Helping a loved one who doesn't want help

[Shaz51]

Hello  @outlander , @Adge , @Rover 

[Adge]

Hi @Shaz51 How are you?

It's my elderly Mum who doesn't want help - she has has MI & major anxiety for her entire life.

It impacts everyone around her - & left me (& brothers) severely neglected as children.

Yet she has always denied that she needs to change, or that she could benefit from working on her MI healing.

My Mum blames everyone else for how she behaves - they cause her distress (she claims), even when we are gently trying to help her.

Adge

[Shaz51]

it is hard @Adge , since our mums have had their independence all their lives

how old is your mum xx

my mum is 88 and the only thing she has agreed too after a long time is meals on wheels

how is your mumxx

[outlander]

hello @Shaz51

[Shaz51]

hello @outlander , had trouble before , it ended up on another thread so i had to delete and start again , hope it worked this time xxx

[Adge]

My Mum is 76 @Shaz51 Not as old as your Mum

My Mum's sister (my Aunt) is 88.

My Mum still cooks for herself & my brother (who lives with her).

Mum is increasingly overwhelmed by things - even though she always has been like that.

Adge

[outlander]

the tag worked for me last time @Shaz51 think that's what you mean?

[Shaz51]

looks all good now @outlander 

@Adge, i have the feeling -- i could be wrong here but i think your mum like you to know how busy and overwhelmed she is

sorry if i am wrong xxx

[Adge]

Not so much busy @Shaz51 More just overwhelmed.

Mum does work some hours, about 1 day per week.

She never worked full-time (since her 20's), because she became too stressed.

Dad provided for Mum's retirement, even though they were separated for 9 years (essentially until he died).

That's because I think Dad still loved Mum - even though Mum hated Dad.

Mum always told everyone (all my relatives) how horrible Dad was - even when I was a child (or 10).

It's not fair for child to hear one parent constantly berating their other parent (in public).

It undermines a child's confidence - leaves them (me) feeling very insecure.

Adge

[Shaz51]

It's not fair for child to hear one parent constantly berating their other parent (in public).

It undermines a child's confidence - leaves them (me) feeling very insecure.-- very true @Adge 

my mum tried not to say anything about my dad when we left but dad kept on doing the rejection all my life until he passed away xxx