A long rave

[Mazarita]

@eth, it sounds like a pretty busy day to me. I remember a time when both of us were very closed in to our own home spaces. It's so great to see you getting out and about so much too now. Awesome that you got on so well with the new Phams worker, and that you have strong common ground. Sigh to the long long wait at the doctors. Good to hear she is worth it.

Have you had much sleep tonight so far? I've only had a bit less than 3 hours.

[eth]

@Mazarita  I've had about 4 1/2 hrs so far.

I just wish I was getting time to do some more enjoyable stuff when out.  ATM it's all essential ap'ts (3 Dr's wanting to see me more often) and a bit of shopping.  Not getting a chance to get to Flourish or One Door drop-in centres.  I'm also doing the Living Beyond Abuse course half a day each week, so it's a huge change from the isolation before.  I'm sure that's a good thing for both of us but it's taking me time to adjust to and most of it leaves me wanting recovery time for hours.

[Mazarita]

@eth, I know what you mean about a lot of activities outside the home being medical or psych appointments. I have that thought about my life too. Mostly though I just appreciate the feeling of looking after my health and being looked after in an ongoing way. If you're anything like me, there might also be a tendency now to place higher expectations on ourselves that we still can't always meet. As in, the expectation that we will be able to go go all day and not need hours of recovery time. We both have bipolar 1 and we need to cut ourselves breaks. At least it's hours and not weeks, months or years of recovery time, as it has been for me at times!

[eth]

It probably would be longer @Mazarita but there's always something else to be done that I can't postpone.  Doing both the LBA course and the work with the psychologist is pretty intense.  Plus my meds haven't stabilized, plus I've been so physically ill ... whinge and moan.  At least it's the weekend now so hoping to slow down a bit.

I've started enjoying music again which is always a good sign.  I'm listening to Fat Freddy's Drop while we chat.

I do have some other online jobs to do this morning (stories due tomorrow for writing course etc) but am happy to chat a while longer.   What do you have planned for today?

[Mazarita]

Meeting a friend on the beach around lunchtime today, @eth. She also has bipolar and is really very unstable and unwell at the moment. Walking on the beach may help her, and will be good for me too. She talks a lot in a long stream very often, so having my feet, the sand and water to ground me too will be good.

No worries if you need to keep it a bit shorter tonight. I wouldn't mind getting back into bed soon too.

[eth]

I like that you are able to support your friend @Mazarita.  Sometimes that's good to bring us out of our own shell of needs.   Put on your listening ears.  But make sure you are heard at times too.  I'll probably go back to bed after dawn at this stage but have 3 lessons to do as well as the 3 stories and my head works best in these hours of the day - when there;s no interference going ( people or too much electrickery as Cat Weasel used to say!).

[Mazarita]

Haha, I like electrickery and remember Catweazle, @eth. 

Yes, I do get frustrated with this friend sometimes because of the speech streaming. But I love and feel connected to this woman, including in some ways that suggest to me that we are soul sisters in some ways. I'm not completely passive in the face of her pressured speech and often jump in just for the sake of being heard too sometimes. Agreed that it's helpful sometimes to support others to help ourselves. 

Also agreed that the night time hours can be the very best time to be creative. It's one of the reasons why I too have been such a night owl for so long. 

[eth]

I'm supposed to be trying to sleep from 10.30 til 6ish @Mazarita but there's only so much time I can spend in bed if I'm awake!  Considering the alternatives e.g. behaviour in the past when hypomanic, I think they should just be glad I'm keeping busy quietly and not disturbing them.  I know they just want to help (bro and SIL) but they really don't seem to get what hypomania can be like. And that's despiite quite a bit of reading on the topic.  Must be time for me to get my book out there!

[Mazarita]

@eth, I find that people who have not experienced bipolar on the whole can't fathom the complex states of being it creates. It's so easy to say 'sleep hygiene'. But there's only so many years of trying to sleep in bed and being tormented by tossing-turning insomnia a person can handle. I too feel it is a better option to be awake and doing something creative or useful. It creates less misery in me. Meanwhile, I keep trying to improve the 'sleep hygiene' and make slow steps in that direction (with typical bipolar aberrations).

Having said all that, I think I'm going to be awake until dawn now.

[eth]

LOL at your last comment in your post @Mazarita.  I'm going to have a coffee to pick up the flow a bit.  Now that's not surrendering to what's happening I know and against all the guidelines but F it!  Better to use the energy when I can get most done rather than push to be productive at other times during the day when I have less and other people are pulling me to do different stuff.