Any diagnosed germophobes or hoarders on this forum?

[Fee1]

Hi @NatureLover, sorry been a bit unwell. Thanks for the tips about sanitiser. My local chemist got some small bottles in, limit of two per person so I think I’ll be ok.

As for the cult, I dream about it quite a bit. Bit of a pain.

No new cases of vivid where I live for about a week so that is heartening. Hope you are going ok, best, F.

[Shaz51]

hello @Fee1 , @NatureLover 

sorry you feel unwell @Fee1 , hope you feel better soon

[NatureLover]

Hi @Fee1 , sorry you were unwell, are you feeling better now? Dreaming about the cult would suck big time. I wonder if it's letting out some feelings about it though.

Glad you are OK for sanitiser. Sanitiser = sanity lol. 

Yes, am going OK thanks. Hi @Shaz51 , hope you are OK too!

[Fee1]

Hey @NatureLover, yes all good now thanks. How are you faring? Any new getmaphobes on the forum? Cheers, F.

[NatureLover]

@Fee1 @Haha, yes, am still looking for other germophobes!

Am doing OK thanks. Would be a bit lost if I couldn't get out for daily walks in nature.

Glad to hear you're feeling better. Hope that your germophobia stays within manageable levels. 

[NatureLover]

Hi @Fee1 , hope you're doing OK. 

@Escaped_Goat I am answering you on this germophobia thread so as not to derail your thread! It's good you've been able to pull back the counting tendencies enough to get by. I do a little counting but nothing worth mentioning. 

I would be interested to know what the reasons are for your germophobia, if you know them and are willing to share... I am not sure about mine but I think it's something to do with having complex childhood trauma and wanting to control my environment now against threats. You said you've had your OCD tendencies since childhood - so have I, although mine have got worse over time. 

I can usually handle my germophobia when it's at normal levels; luckily it's still at normal levels at the moment. Has yours got any worse with Covid-19?

[Escaped_Goat]

Hi @NatureLover  I think it was much the same for me.. wanting to have some control over a small part of my life initially when I was quite young and had no idea what to do with the anxiety I was feeling all the time.  Having my little part of the bedroom "just so" and my few belongings kept pristine made me feel safe somehow. Of course it grew from there as things like this do..

When I was 10 my older sister married and in preparation for when she would have children came to visit and she and my mother cleaned out my toys because they were in such good condition so I came home to having zero toys only my clothes and bed. I dared to ask why only to be told that 10 is too old for toys, end of discussion.  I think I stopped trying to be the good girl after that because I realised it didn't matter what I did right I was always wrong. I'd been wrong since birth and always would be. I developed hoarding tendencies for a quite a while. Mother called me defiant after that because I'd just stand there and take whatever she said to me or whatever she did to me without saying a word.  I lived in my head and I could keep all my bits and pieces sorted and clean.  I used to dream of being rescued but of course mother always got to everyone and told them what a horrible child I was and she was such a lovely lady they all believed her and I looked every part the sulky brat.  I think or at least hope that teachers and social workers these days are better equipped to recognise the early signs of mental illness in children.  Sorry for the long rant. 

[NatureLover]

I can relate, @Escaped_Goat . I also kept my bedroom pristine with everything exactly in its place, to control my tiny corner of the world when everything else was scary and insecure. I am sorry to hear that all your precious control - your personal toys and childhood things - were thrown out without your permission. That is a big violation. No wonder you developed hoarding tendencies.

Do you still have hoarding tendencies? I guess I felt that possessions provided the security I was lacking. I have done a lot of work on my hoarding over the years, with a lot of success, but I still sometimes have little pathways through the 'stuff' in my house. The stuff is not up to the roof like on those 'extreme hoarder' shows, just one or two bags deep, but still.

I too felt that nothing I did was right and that I was essentially wrong in who I was. Did you used to dissociate like I did?

I am sorry to hear of what you went through 

[Escaped_Goat]

@NatureLover  I'm sorry to hear you've experienced so much of the same.

I don't tend to have hoarding issues now.. I think moving frequently and downsizing and having my stuff in storage for a year before moving into this last place really helped.  I still find myself thinking "I should hang onto that.." but then I remember I don't need to.  I do overspend when I'm beating myself up but never on myself.. I've been overspending a lot lately and I need to get that under control.  It's one of the ways I punish myself.  I'm very complicated. 😂 

I still dissociate at times.  😕

Now I have just found out from an uncle that an aunt who cut herself off from the family in 1964 might actually be my birth mother and my entire life has been a pack of lies. I really want to find out the truth before everyone dies just for the sake of knowing. I'm prepared for her not wanting to know me... that's been my life story after all.  

[NatureLover]

Oh no, @Escaped_Goat - that is truly awful, if that's the case about your birth mother! And even not knowing for sure would be just one more thing you've been denied control over in your life. 

I'm impressed that you've overcome the desire to hang on to stuff. It's still a big battle for me to let go of possessions. Even though I'm winning more than I'm losing these days. 

I really hope that somehow you can find out about this aunt, whether she is your birth mother. Which raises a whole lot of further grief and issues if she is, I know