Down in the Dumps

[Shaz51]

Ohh my sister xoxo

Wishing you a speedy recovery. Warm hugs 🤗 @MoonGal

One day at a time right now. One hour at a time, that is it my friend xx

let me know how it all goes

[MoonGal]

@Former-Member thank you for sharing your experience. I crashed out of hypo-mania last week and that is always a rough time anyways, so typical of me to have a health crisis at the beginning of a depression. It's chicken and egg stuff which comes first. I have thyroid levels check three times last year following two slightly low, it returned normal levels in August. Will be interesting to see if it is hypo again now.

It is good to hear that the situation is manageable, I didn;t think I was overly anxious about it being as sanguine as I could bee, avoiding drama llama thinking about it. But my stomach acid is definately causing issues so have gone back on a med I was on last year until I see the doc on turesday.

Bloody Bodies can't live with 'em can't live without 'em.

@Shaz51 I feel physically a lot better today, I don't know what the issue was maybe a fibro-flare brought on by anxiety. I am stressing over the community involvement I initiated while at the tail end of my hypo - I have said to a group of local residents and in the bloody newspaper front page quoted as saying I am doing something -  to combat a development but now I am bottoming out and have disordered thinking and feel very vulnerable and unsure of my ability to follow through. I am hoping if I give it a few days I will bounce again and feel like I can get my head around what I have to do. If I 'thought I could" while I was manic, I probably CAN do it, just need clear mental space and less anxiety to do it. 

A perspective thing. A friend of mine has just been diagnosed with scleroderma and already involves her heart, she is devastated - and it is a life-sentence of a few years, so I am counting my lucky stars right now that whatever is going on is manageable. Funny how you can spend half your life wishing to die and then freak out if you think you are going to.

Thanks everyone for being here 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@MoonGal ..... I know scleroderma .....it took my mum before we realised that was what she had ..... it masqueraded as a series of miscellaneous minor illnesses ....

So glad your friend has been diagnosed and her condition will be managed. I didn't end up being able to say goodbye, but fortunate circumstances allowed us to spend two precious months by her side, with a pseudo-recovery amidst it that has left us with some bitter-sweet memories of precious moments.

Heart-hugs to you and your friend .... ❤️💕

[MoonGal]

@Faith-and-Hope - hard yards lived and so glad you got to have some good time with your Mum before the end if not right there at the end. Isn;t life tenuous? I sometimes feel so angry at this mental illness I have - which no one seems to realise is devastating. Even this morning my partner said with exasperation 'What's the MATTER?" as I had tears running down my cheeks not long after I woke up feeling physically better but thinking, thinking, thinking about... what?  I dunno. what was I thinking Just bleh, just mud. Tidal Flats.

My friend lives interstate and I so wish I was nearby for her to go do a bit of shopping or cook meals for her, She lives alone and is struggling with this on her own. Life is such a tough gig.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Send her things @MoonGal .... my mum was a real corresponder .... I don't know anyone else whose "letters" would arrive scrawled in the back of deposit slips from (written in) the bank, or flyers handed out at a shopping centre .....

My mum would stick a postage stamp on anything and send it ..... and it was always a joy to receive .....

Share the little moments with an image on junk-mail circled, or an article torn from a magazine ..... send her rainbow stickers ..... anything that says "I care about what you're going through ...."

❤️💕

[MoonGal]

@Faith-and-Hope - oh yes! Good idea - I sent her a love package a few months ago before I knew she as ill, I will do something today! That will also get me out of the house with my darling doggit and down the street to the post office. ❤️ thanks for the suggestion!

[Former-Member]

Just wanted to say I hear you @MoonGal. Sorry things have crashed again. It never seems fair. I get the what's the matter too. It's a weekly occurrence for me even though I just have wildly swinging moods and poor emotion regulation so it spoke to me when you said your partner said "what's the matter now". Anyway I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. I'm really glad @Faith-and-Hope her magic again (think she really does own a magic wand some days) and has given you something to feel good about. I'll leave you with this in regards to your community project  

 

[Shaz51]

What a wonderful idea @Faith-and-Hope 

How did you go @MoonGal xoxo my sister

I thought that was such a great Idea , I am going to do that too  for my Aunty

[MoonGal]

@Former-Member @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @Appleblossom

So it goes like this. I have disordered thinking, but can see it. My brain goes black and white thinking. It is all bad and here is the bad bit and here is why there is a bad bit. I justify my own thinking. Over and over. It is a torrent of scoriating self-erasure.

When I am hypo - I also get little glimpses it is disordered but brilliant. The BIG flags the big klaxons are denied insight. "THIS THING (.... name new enthusiasm here) I AM DOING NOW IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE" and then when I fall out the other side "What were you thinking Moongal, you have no right/insight/talent it is all a lie, predicated on brain chemistry"

Oh, this bipolar life is such a hard road to ride.

😞 Insight ??? hahahahaha!!! What is the point of it if it does me no service? I seem to not be able to change anyways. <weep>

[Appleblossom]

 @MoonGal

A torrent of self erasure .. would rock anyone's boat.

It helps me to think about such times as a thinking habit.  Not really me, but a bad habit, which I may allow to go on for a while before the less critical side of me can catch it and turn it around.

The issues around talent and whether that is helpful or gives one a reason or excuse to be the way we are  .. is tricky and a question for educators too.

I ended up choosing conversations around skills .. skillset and skill development ..

life long learners .. process oriented than 

who actually owns the goodies .. of "talent"

you have the right cos you are you @MoonGal