Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

[Owlunar]

 Hi @Former-Member 

There are a couple of sad truths involved here - and as much as we tell you how much we care and how important you are to us the fact remains that the world can be a horribly miserable place if we look others to fill the spaces in our hearts and minds, our spirits and souls even because life itself has a recorded effort of disappointments for us

I have written it elsewhere in the forum that we have to be our own best friends - to learn to love and respect ourselves, to care about ourselves and to learn to put ourselves first and for many people - mostly women - this seems a hard ask - and I wonder why it is that so many people feel that way and how and why I have found my path to self-value. I only have a few answers and this is what I have come to through nearly a  lifetime of investigation

Other people will let us down at some stage - I have had a big one this week - and yes - I understand why this has happened and it has nothing to do with me - it's life - and the biggest one - my mother - yep - I couldn't change that one - in many cases one or both of our parents started us on this path of sef-devaluation - and here we are today

For you - you are doing everything you can to help your husband and he is being nice atm but you have experienced this before - he needs you and you feel that his is backing up to recharge himself for the next onslaught.

Your staying and putting up with this can be a strength - I couldn't stay and put up with my ex-h though I put up long enough - it was a good move to separate - but I think this is a trigger-point. Your husband wants you there to care for him but doesn't seem to care for you. He can't or won't. You are investing the very deepest part of yourself to care for him and you have been for a long time and there is no pay-off for you

We really do care about you here and words are cheap - even words written from the heart can miss the heart - it's strange when I think back to the few toys I had as a child and loved the old hand-me-downs from some other forgotten child who outgrew them. I remember them better than the new toys I got when I was older and how strange is that.

To me the worn out and battered people in the world have vast stories I want to hear and I can tell you have so many you haven't told yet - I can tell you this and I know you will read these words and they might or might not sink it but they are true

I do care and through the limited world of cyber-space it's really hard to let you know you are not a fringe-dweller in my life - I woke up - ah - nearly two hours ago and then spent time thinking about your post - and know in my heart that you need to love yourself and keep your promises to yourself and care about yourself because the rest of the world is inadequate because we are human

If we put stock in the world it will eventually disappoint us - we need to find a way to feel ourselves of value to ourselves and build on that. We know our own weak points and we can find something in life that gives us joy - we need that - it is a prerequistite - and it's there - within us

I am so sorry life has dealt you such a rough deck - you have so much happening that is hard and you have been abused. I don't know any way to put it better - but don't let yourself down - don't sell yourself short. One thing life is full of is self-fulfilling prophecies - things that come true because we believe they will - try and find something that can come true for you and work on that - this forum is one terrific place to start - I have found it so

And I think this may be because the forum is full of people like me to start with - scarred by life - and I think my scars, my grey-hair - if that's what colour it is - hard to tell - my glasses - I had them since I was a child - my partial dentures - my chronic pain - my battles, victories and losses - all of these things - are the badges of my experience and I never caused one of the searing memories I have

I have learned something from everything that has happened in my life - and to this - I give you my best

Dec

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member 

@Sherry  - it's not as good as early this morning, but see  how the sun shines off the leaves 🍁 this is my humble abode. It feels like you've dropped b for a visit and I so need that now 💌

Hi there @Owlunar   @eth   @Maggie   @Sans911   @Faith-and-Hope ... so sorry we've lost contact 🙏

[Sans911]

@Owlunar -

[Former-Member]

Hey Sherry, I have just read your post and all your replies. I am sorry you feel this way. I have nothing new to add as the other members before me have said it all. I hope you can believe them. Silent or not I value you. 💖🦋

@Former-Member 

[outlander]

@Former-Member 💖

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member 

im sorry you're feeling so terrible. I know your not in a good headspace. And I totally sympathise with you.   
Pls know thst I do care about you znd I enjoy when you wtite in your post and reply to others  me. You are so worthwhile 

I know your home situation is very tough. Pls take care ❤️Xxxooo

[Shaz51]

@Former-Member 

[Former-Member]

I seem to be constantly playing catch up here. I do apologise, especially since you have all been so kind to take the time to post here. I want to respond to all of your individual posts, and I will. But its just taking me a bit of time. I dont want to miss any along the way. I seem to find myself getting sidetracked with different matters and crises as each day comes. And then I get behind with my replies again. I'm doing my best. So this reply is from Page 175 posts.

@Faith-and-Hope ... yes I thought you would understand, it figures. You had a fortunate escape I think, and you are still young enough to claim a new life of your own without the soon2BX. It is plain to see that you are struggling a lot though. Its little wonder you are.

Thanks @eth ... Staunch ... by definition - firm or steadfast in principle, adherence, loyalty, Yes I take that as a compliment. 🌺 For my part I could describe myself more accurately as ... stubborn, afraid. Not so complimentary. Anyway I appreciate you very much Eth .. and yes, I will do my best to take care in all that I do.

@Zoe7 .. thanks for taking the time to check in yesterday. Your feelings were on target .. it was a tough day. Your love, hugs and listening eyes are always much appreciated.

Sherry 🤗💕

[Former-Member]

Okay ... so onto responses to Page 176 posts:

@Shaz51 ... yes sweet Shaz, I remember that you were abused by your Dad. Thank you for venturing here, despite some of the hurt that is probably brought up by you being here. I'm sorry my posts are likely triggering for you. Your love and hugs are so nice to receive ... I very much appreciate you Shaz .. much more than I can ever say.

@Snowie ... thanks lovely, for your message of support. I have been thinking of you today and wondering how your treatments are going. I return that love and those hugs to you, as I think you too will be needing them. Take care.

@Zoe7 ... I know you get impatient with me at times. I'm only sorry I'm not a stronger person than what I am. I know I'm weak and indecisive .. but I cant seem to help it. What you say is right of course, you usually are 👍 ... it is me who has to feel loved and appreciated. Unfortunately, from where I am right now ... I dont see it at all. There is a blockage there somehow. It matters not, how many times I'm told ... my mind tells me its not true. I guess thats just how it is when you're in too deep. I really do appreciate you Zoe .. so thank you.

@BlueBay ... thank you my friend for hearing me. The number of times I have felt that I've not been heard is countless. I think that goes back to when I was raped ... my screams were not heard that day, no one came to my rescue when I needed it the most. So you may not realise just how important it is for me to feel that I have been heard now. Thank you.

Oh @Owlunar ... some of the absolute best toys were from the pre war era. You may not have known it then, but you were very lucky. My Mum and Dad were very poor too when we were kids. I dont recall ever having toys as such. I know I had a doll when I was quite little. I dont remember any other toys at all. But we lived on a farm ... lots of animals, lots of space, lots of roaming adventures, lots of outdoor stuff. Little time for indoors or toys. Mum used to babysit some neighbouring kids occasionally, and I know those kids had toys. I recall they used to share, so that was nice. Thank you Dec for helping me to appreciate what I do have.

@Former-Member ... thank you so much. You are very kind to tell me that my support and advice has struck a chord with you. I'm only sorry I havent been in better shape to offer more support than what I have done. Maybe in future I can be more useful to you and others too.

Okay ... moving onto the top of Page 177.

@CheerBear ... thank you for visiting me here and sending your love. I value your support. And also @Maggie.

@outlander ... you manage to get around to so many threads ... you're a little wonder. You never allow anyone to feel that they've been forgotten. Thank you Little One.

@Faith-and-Hope ... love the virtual hug. Its about the best any of us can hope for these days, even in real life. Damned Covid-19.

Okay thats it from me for tonight. Exhaustion has set in. I have some very important posts to reply to yet from yesterday late evening and today ... but I cannot do them justice right now. So everyone else ... I will get to you as soon as I'm able. @Sans911 and @Former-Member. 💕

Good night all.

Sherry

[outlander]

@Former-Member sending love and hugs 💙🤍❤