not feeling good

[BlueBay]

@Shaz51 @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope @utopia @NikNik

I forgot to tag you reg. above message

BB

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay .....

I am not feeling well today, so I am going to send you a hug and let you know how much I appreciate that you are here, and I will have a fonat answering this when I am feeling better.

Thank you for tagging me Hon .... 💜💕

[utopia]

@BlueBay. I don't know what you are referring too. I haven't read any previous posts.
I hope it's not me you are thinking of. If so, I'm sorry you feel abandoned. I did abandon many people on here, when i was at my sickest (most of this year - but especially the last 3 months). It's been enough just to look after myself, let alone anyone else. It's that time I need to be 100% selfish and focus just on me and staying alive.
If not me, the other person, may also be going through a tougher period than normal and therefore doesn't have the same time/energy they once did.
This may not be forever, this may only be while they go through a tough patch.
Why don't you write to that person and see what she says.

[Shaz51]

 I don't know what you are referring too either @BlueBay 

maybe the person is going through a hard time at the moment , saying to them "are you Ok !

[BlueBay]

@utopia@Shaz51

It's neither of you two.  It is someone else on here.  I can't write to this person.  She told me quite clearly a while ago that she didn't want to continue chatting with me on my journey.  When she told me it was the most difficult thing I had to endure. I was shattered then and I am still upset about it.

I do undersstand that at times people want to be 'left alone' or can't be on here for a period of time because they have their own issues and need time away or can't help everyone on here.

But I thought that this person was genuinely 'my friend on here' helping me and genuinely caring. Maybe i was wrong, I don't know.

So i think after reading what she wrote today that maybe it's best if I disappear and she can stay on the forum.  

If only I knew what I have done wrong to upset her or for her to not want to talk to me anymore on here.

It's something that i have taken to heart and it is something that has genuinely upset me.

I don't like upsetting people on here, that would be the last thing on my mind to do.  And if i ever have then I am truly sorry.  

[utopia]

@BlueBay. Unfortunately if they have decided not to have anymore contact with you, then there is nothing you can do but accept it. For whatever reason, & you may never know why, that is the choice they have made.
Try not to focus on this. Focus on your other friends.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BlueBay ..... 🐚💕

I am still not 100%, but feeling better than I was.

I think what you are describing is where someone suddenly reached a point of feeling overwhelmed, and shut down their communications with you, That recently happened to us with our piano teacher, seemingly out of the blue ..... but when you go back over it sometimes you find there was a lead-up,but one or both parties weren't recognising it ..... and some people are better able to communicate as they go along. Others just reach a saturation point and suddenly change direction.

It's very confronting and unsettling when this happens, but there isn't much that you can do about it, as @utopia said .....and unfortunately it happens to all of us .... it's one of those things in life .,...

We are here with you with lots of cyber hugs as you nurse this pain, then gently place it aside and walk past it @BlueBay. It helps to focus on other, more important things in your life ..... like how many weeks until your grandbaby is here, or are we down to counting the days now ??

Hugs n hugs Hon ..... just you keep swimming ..... 🐠🐠🐠❣️

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay, sorry you're feeling well he pain of abandonment. As a fellow BPD cPTSD I know how excruciating that can be. Actually felt the same lately with a couple significant people here. Before I switched from Tawney yo Lapses I really felt reje ted by everyone here, even mod, especially mods, I couldn't see that it wascmy MH declining. Now, when I feel like this, so easily triggered to plumit into the depths of self fladgilating despair (and i do terribly sometimes), I step back and say - that's interesting, I'm hurting, doesn't matter why - time to up the self care & and spoil myself with my self compassion box.

Guess my absense - not checking in on you may not have helped, sorry about that. I get too caught up with myself a lot and overwhelmed and just respond to things I'm tagged in when not coping. Its awful presuming its something we've done wrong when someone behaves differently, I think this is the BPD thing too, and some people play on it (our sensitivity) so if they haven't explained then its healthier to presume something's goingbon with them that's unrelated to you / us. Its like were always looking for proof nobody really cares (a false belief formed out of childhood trauma), but we do deserve love and affection and company... Sometimes the negative committee in my head convinces me nobody is capable of caring about me, so ugly that I am, hut then I'm lucky I have faith and love is all about what Jesus came to teach us, and reunite us too. You are highly valued. Actually, just read a Dr Phil quote:

"Don't worry about hurting my feelings because I guarantee you, not one bit of my self esteem is tied up in your acceptance"

The only way I have come to understand what Dr Phil is talking about here is through SELF COMPASSION.

Be your own best friend BlueBay. Hope you're feeling better tomorrow. We care about you here 🙂 xoxo 🌷🌿💜🐦💜

[Shaz51]

yes @BlueBay , we do care about you my awesome friend xoxo

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @BlueBay, I know who you are talking about and it is understandable how painful this is for you. I can feel the pain of your big abandonment feelings. The situation sucks and it hurts and I know you can't just put it behind you and move on while the feelings are so gigantic. I don't think there is any answer except to sit with the pain, knowing that even the greatest of pains eases (although never vanishes) over time.

I am grateful that I have reached a point in my life where I know nobody will ever hurt me again in a personal relationship. The friend who walked out of my world in November will be the last friend I ever have. I always knew that if she left my world, I would never try again. The pattern has simply happened too many times. People dive into my world thinking that they are the one who can "save" me, and then they get overwhelmed and leave again. This pattern will never ever happen to me again because I will never trust another human being.

It puzzles me a little the way some people here in Forum Land refer to each other as sister, mother, grandmother etc. To me, the people of Forum Land are much valued aquaintances. I have a whole lot of aquaintances here and one not-friend. I do not consider anyone here my friend. My uni counsellor told me that it is socially inappropriate to correct someone if they say they are my friend, hence I tend to just "smile and nod" when people call me their friend. But if you were to trawl through the 2000+ posts I've written in Forum Land, you would see that I have never once referred to anyone here as my friend. I have simply been burnt once too often and I will never do the friend thing again.

My understanding is that you do have genuine family in your world @BlueBay. My understanding is that you have a husband, children and a grandchild on the way. This is objective evidence that there are people who want you in their life. If they didn't want you, they would not be there.

I have nobody. If I was to die today, there is nobody to claim my body. I consider that the epitome of isolation. I assume there are processes for disposing of unclaimed bodies, though I don't know what they are.

I totally get how tortuous the loss of this relationship in Forum Land is, I truly do, and I don't want to minimise it in any way. However, as I said, there is objective evidence that you have people in your life that you matter to. You matter to people here in Forum Land too. Whether you choose to leave or not is entirely up to you. Personally, I hope you choose to stay, but the choice is ultimately yours.

I am thinking of you as you ride the waves of grief around the loss of this relationship.