Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

It's nice to imagine both doing the same kind of thing today @Teej 😊 We went to Bunnings and found what looked like half the population of our city were also doing the garden this weekend too 😁 All it took was a hint of spring. It's now raining again and cold but it was nice while it lasted.

I've been semi terrified as I was a couple of weeks late. I think hormones were absolutely playing into my crazy over the last little while as they tend to mess with me lots also. Thankfully that's not a worry now and it was like instant mood change. Hormones suck 🤨 Those therapy conditions are pretty, trying to find the right words, big considerations maybe.

Glad you have your shed concreted. That sounds like something that might feel good to have finished 🙂

Yep, everything crossed these feels stick for a while 💗

[Teej]

Hmmm that was probably hell for you being late @CheerBear. I’m so glad you don’t have to worry anymore. I didn’t want to go through menopause but lately I’ve been thinking bring it on. I’ve done my time dealing with them, but I guess I was late to get them and I’m going to be late to finish getting them. Most of my friends are done. I’m slow for everything :face_with_rolling_eyes:. 

There’s 5 big conditions @CheerBear. There’s two in particular that I’m not sure about and have very mixed feelings about. Feeling a little ashamed to write them yet. The last one is safety. I have to agree to ring my triage or take myself to ED when suicidal urges are huge and not sh. I don’t know where self medicating is on this. For all the conditions I get two strikes and I’m out. 

There is one that feels very much like sink or swim for me which is usually not a good outcome. I’m much more of a toe dipper and then slowly acclimatise. I don’t know what support will be offered to help me through either yet. And I b#$**y don’t know if she’ll still take me on 😬. 

Hope you have have a nice evening. Speak later. 💜🤗

[CheerBear]

Very big considerations that sound scary in lots of ways and a bit rock and hard place-ish for you @Teej. I'd be struggling heaps with it all.

Big hugs Teej. Looking forward to the time when you know whether its going ahead so you can at least go from there because I'm thinking this uncertainty can't be great to have lingering around for long.

Night ❤

[Teej]

Just checking in @Bunniekins,

I read your post on worry room I think that you just posted and has been moderated. I’m also not quite sure if you just posted then or I saw an old post on that thread 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes: oh to be confused easily. Either way I’m thinking of you and know that you are doing it really tough every which way lately.

I love your new avatar too 💜. It speaks volumes about your strength in the face of lots of adversity 😊

some flowers to hopefully brighten your day

[Bunniekins]

Thanks @Teej for your kind words. I am always having my posts moderated lol ... can't win but don't want to cause distress to anyone either. Life is just is what it is.  Lots of past memories coming back I cannot shift them ... yet. Hoping you are doing well and again thanks for your thoughts I really, really appreciate them xxxxx

[CheerBear]

Morning @Teej. I noticed you were around earlier and wanted to say hi and see how you were going (check in I guess). I thought of you yesterday as I had a 'what goes up must come down' kind of day. I was wondering whether maybe you'd had a similar kind of one, but hoping the OK-ness stayed around longer for you.

❤ for you

[Teej]

Today is my what goes up must come down day @CheerBear 😬. The thing is it was a shock this morning when it did 😳. I’m flat and emotional 😭, recipe for a disaster. 

I had a scatterbrain day yesterday (which reminds me I talked about blonde moments the other day which was fine when I was in my twenties but maybe need to call them senior moments now 😜). I struggled to stay focused on anything but achieved enough, more than lots of days in the past. 

My brain is on 24/7 for this next appointment. I am talking to her in my head and then questioning myself for most of the day everyday. I’m not sure how to approach it. Ive realised she has only gone on stuff she’s read and the interviews which were very specific. She doesn’t know me at all. I get the feeling she doesn’t understand totally. I did not know whether I need to tell her. Many of the notes she’s read in my file go back to 2015 when I was seeing a psychologist there. I’ve changed so much since then. Some backwards (total isolation now and much darker in some ways) and some forwards (I have much more insight and understanding of me and although still chaotic I am coping better with so many things). 

Sorry its a brain brain out loud moment. 

How are you? What’s on your radar. I read the rave. I liked how eth responded. I think it’s about your goals not any labels. Labels are just a way of organising things, they have nothing to do with people. 

[CheerBear]

My day shocked me yesterday also @Teej. I don't know if it's the same for you, but I find down days lots harder when they come unexpectedly following OK/good ones. The crash feels more ouch for me when that happens.

Totally get how you'd be talking to her in your head and then questioning it. When is the appointment (if you can/would like to share)? This place of uncertainty can't be doing much good 😑. I feel yuck when people make judgments based on old documents. Things can and do change so much. I wonder whether she might realise that but hasn't communicated it to you well.

I'm OK enough thanks. Crashy, headachey, tired day but that's the rollercoaster. Friend asked to come over and I don't want to put on my happy face for him today so I said he was welcome to join the pity party if he wanted, but not to expect much. It's fine with me if he wants to stay away too. I really don't care either way (indication of my mood today 😉).

Hugs for the flat and emotional feels. You're not alone with them ❤

[Teej]

I think it’s hard @CheerBear. On the few times I’ve been in a really good mood I’ve got scared because I’ve known the crash is coming. I think it’s more when things are going ok and you see a bit of light then when the crash comes it’s unexpected and feels much worse. Long winded way of saying I think when you know it’s going to come you can plan and brace yourself a bit better for it. Maybe too I’ve been doing this for much longer but that’s where I’m at with it. 

I have some thing to share that you’ll have to wait for. It’s not that grand but it made me smile trying to prove a point 😜

[Teej]

PS my next appointment is on Friday @CheerBear. I am meant to have considered the conditions and come up with a decision from my end. Ill have a call to the help centre today to talk some of this out. Hoping that will help calm my farm a bit and give perspective.