I wonder if they really know or understand, they say they do but..... They say it gets easier once you accept how things are and not expect them to be. I was "normal' or as close to it as I will ever be. I worked, I loved and I had a family.
While I still have a family we are all disconnected in one way or another, it will never be how it was before. Not working is getting to me because it means I am not supporting myself or my children. I loved, while again I still love my family it's not the same, I feel removed from that feeling even though it is still there.
As for the mh team in my life right now do they really know, honestly I like my team and seemed to gel with them really well. I woke this morning after what I thought was another good nights sleep and did my usual check in
Yep, I am still here and Kimmy is around a little sad and not talking but here. So what is this rage I am feeling, i can feel the pulse in my wrists just pounding and in my neck. I look at the still sleeping man beside me and I just feel nothing but rage and it scares me, I get out of bed so I don't hurt him ( not that I honestly think I ever would, but that rage was strong) I check on my 2 daughters ( i do this every morning, to make sure they are alive) and again this powerful almost uncontrollable rage is seeping through my veins.
Hubby gets up and is his normal loving self but I put up a hand to stop him for coming any closer. I say good morning a feel the nastiest slip out in those words. I feel sick, he has done nothing wrong but how the rage wants to lash out. I don't dare to speak to again because he doesn't deserve this and neither to the girls. I feel like I am losing the plot as a the morning has kept coming. I am already down in my paint room so I can not inflict this mood on anyone else in the house.
So when they (mh team) check in do they really understand just how hard it is? Safe as can be, just rambling
