The usual spiel, going through it. Big changes. Change. aaa what a freaky foreign term for someone who historically finds comfort in chaos and instability. Yet the word Change is so scary.
Been trying different things to cope. Take what I learn from the world, or advice from others, and carve it into something unique to me.
Journaling - Me and journalling have a love hate relationship. Sometimes its great, other times I want to throw the whole dang book out the window. Writing in perfect little sentences feels so constrictive. So I open up on what journalling could look like. I take a big canvas, a ripped piece of paper, a torn pizza box lid. I toss my implements out onto the rug and I SCRIBBLE. maniacly all over the page. I draw.. doodle. Words. phrases. Feelings. colours.
When the hands feel too antsy and the words must flow FASTER, I speak into my little voice recorder. I speak passionately as if Im talking to the world's best listener with atleast a two year streak of excellence.
I made a friend. A big plush bear. He listens. he comforts. He talks. He asks questions. He gives me space to speak and space to breath.
The inner child in me. The small one. They need a parent. A good responsible role model. I feel like an incompetent parent. So I ask what real parents do. I take on board perspective from them. I ask myself what would a good parent do in this situation. I try to be that good parent to the small scared sad one.
Water. Water is life and life giving. Being in water to feel weightless. To drink it. How special it is we have such readily access to it. Water is good.
Comfy clothes that leave you feeling like you're being warmly hugged! Feeling fabulous. Clothes to move in. to play in.
Talk to people! Not the big scary conversations. Not the deep and profound. Just talk. Say hello. Smile. offer some directions, offer a tadbit of fact. Goodness me the energy felt from those micro interactions. Not everyone reciprocates. thats okay.
To learn is to stumble and fail.
one more. If youre feeling big grief over a breakup that didnt go well, and memories associated with certain things you love feel tainted by them?
Remember this: You did not begin to love the stars when they came along, you have always loved the Stars ♡
