having a bad morning

[BlueBay]

Not feeling too great this morning 😞

I didn't get to sleep until about 11pm (which is very late for me) and didn't sleep very well, kept waking up at least 3 times. Now I feel like I could just cry, i think when i am so tired every night the same thing, I then get so emotional.  I keep thinking it's these AD that my psych prescribed a few weeks ago because my sleeping has been affected severely since then.  But try telling him that, in one ear and out the other.

Yesterday I was telling the pharmacist and my friend at work about MIL and how she has fractured 4 ribs and is not very good.  My friend said to me 'you are going to be in for a really tough time'.  That's not what i wanted to hear so i broke down at work.  My emotions are so close to the surface that i just broke down.

At least the sun is out, hoping today is going to be a nice day at work.  Getting all our xmas stock out and some of it looks nice.  We don't have a say with the gifts, we just get what is sent to us.  Busy times ahead.

Better go and get ready, i so wish i could just stay in bed.

[Former-Member]

Ah not good @BlueBay..Take it slowly...I'll add some of my restless energy to keep you afloat. Had 4.5 hrs but am chugging fine..
I really hope today is gentle for you...it's tricky when rollercoaster hits. Not fun.
But I'll keep an eye out for you. Hugs ❤☕

[BlueBay]

Thank you @Former-Member.  I managed to have a good day at work, got lots done but now i am so tired.  My body is aching.

[BlueBay]

@Former-Member I love your new picture.  

I am punishing myself yet again.  I cancelled my gym session this morning.  That's two sessions i have cancelled.

The trouble with me is that I have all good intentions of starting something.  I go for the first time still with good intentions and then all of a sudden - BANG - I stop.

I do have another appt with my personal trainer in 2 weeks time, but i am not sure.

Why do i keep doing this?  With everything in my life i always jump the gun, start up something and crash i stop.  And then it's a vicious cycle of beating myself up again for not going, eating so much food, like stuffing myself because of not achieving something in my life and actually completing it.  Then i feel angry, frustrated.  And it's the same over and over again.

I can never achieve something for me.  My personal trainer even gave me a sheet of exercises to do at home in between seeing him.  Do you think I have done them?? - NO.  I feel so hopeless.

I chop and change so often that I can't keep up with what I am wanting to do.  Can never make final decisions on my own.  I really hate it;.

[Former-Member]

Oh ta! Courtesy etc 😉 @BlueBay...arrgghh I know! I've started so many things never to finish, uni degree included...but it's because we are 'multi's'..multi skilled, multi many things = multi talents!!
Don't beat yourself up. It's ok, you will get there..I do the same thing.
You are far from hopeless. Definitely not & don't tell yourself that. 😊
Sometimes I make peace and see ok my heart just wasn't in that one because of A.B. C..and this has moved me onto this D.E.F..etc etc...
Everything is a stepping stone, you move stones when your ready, in your time.
Big hugs ❤

[utopia]

Hi @BlueBay. I've been a bit busy and a bit vacant in the head the last few days. So haven't read your posts - but just wanted to check how you are going.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

thank you for your post.  I seem to struggle with this a lot and even at work, I will go from one job to another then another and then back to the first job.  If only i could finish one job first then I'd be right.

@utopia

Hi my friend, haven't spoken to you for a few days.  Today after writing something on here I was triggered so I called the CAT team and had to leave a message.  Eventually after 2 hours they called back.  The lady i spoke to was nice, she asked so many questions ie. self harm, suicide, medication, sleep, etc etc. She suggested I talk to my psych and let him know I am not coping too well or speak with my own GP.  I am seeing my doctor tomorrow morning so i will talk to hiim.

I've been a bit down lately.  But this afternoon the sun came out and hubby and I took jersey down the beach to play with the ball.  She loved it and I sat and enjoyed the sun and then we walked along the beach. 

How are you? I am sorry sometimes I forget to ask you how you are coping.  But it's not that i don't think about you.

[utopia]

@BlueBay. I'm glad your mood lifted with the sun coming out. I find the sams thing. Too many dark cold rainy days & I can struggle to keep my mood up.
Can you believe it - yesterday I had the heater on. Today I sat in the sun in a singlet and lots of sunscreen. Mother nature is more messed up than all of us on this site, put together. Lol.
I'm ok. Struggling a bit with this new sirt if anxiety and I seem to be getting frustrated a little easily. But then, I have started to drink again. A big no no for me. So my guilt is huge. Will be seeing my psychologist later in the week - so we can make a plan for keeping me off the drink.
I lovereading about Jersey.

[BlueBay]

Aww thank you @utopia jersey is a special dog to me.  You know I have always had little dogs throughout my life and jersey is the first big dog. But OMG she is so damn smart, i am sure she knows what i say to her, actually she does.  When i say to her 'jersey lets go and hang the clothes outside' she runs to the bck door.  and when she is upstairs with us at night, if she wants to go outside for a drink she will come up to me and then run to the sliding door and sit; if i ignore her she will come back again and run to the door.

Yeah, it's amazing how the weather affects our moods.  Now we have the heater on as its cold,  But tomorrow 24 degrees, wow!!!  I think i may even go to the beach on my own and sit there for a while with a book.

I hope you can work out a plan with your psych about your drinking.  Wishing you well,

take care xxxooo

[Faith-and-Hope]

@BlueBay @utopia

Sending you both big hugs ..... 

💐💕💐💕💐