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25 Jun 2025 05:06 PM
25 Jun 2025 05:06 PM
Thanks @AuntGlow
Thank you for responding and sharing your story. @ENKELI.
I was raised catholic and went to church every weekend as a child and teenager. I didn’t really understand it, it was just something I was made to do.
As I’ve gotten a lot older I understand a lot more. He has guided me through difficult paths.
Im feel either He has lost his way with me or given up or I have lost my way. I just don't feel Him at all right now.
With the thoughts I’m having at the moment, I know He will leave my side. I’ll be walking alone. My pop always said it was against gods way.
I do have music. I’m old school I really like Amy Grant and Fr Rob Galea.
That ‘Beautiful’ song made my heart hurt. It really hit home.
25 Jun 2025 10:00 PM
25 Jun 2025 10:00 PM
@Captain24 I like Amy Grant too. I'm glad you liked Beautiful, I have been brough to tears when listening to it as well.
I used to struggle a lot in the past because I thought being a Christian meant I would be able to deal with my mental health. I was first diagnosed with depression, then bipolar 2 and anxiety and it took many years to realise that God doesn't take away our pain and suffering sometimes for reasons unknown.
I have often felt like I am the one who can not be redeemed. It hurts when God feels so far away and it makes you feel like He really doesn't care.
In my good moments I know this is a lie, and I am praying you will also know this as you heal from this heaviness you're experiencing.
Oftentimes I close my eyes and picture myself clinging to the hem of Jesus' robe because that's all I am capable of.
As a friend of mine once said, It's great that Jesus loves us, but He can't give us a hug when we need it.
I don't have a lot of Christian friends and those that I do have are married with kids and their own lives so I don't get to talk about God much. My mum is very old school and struggles to understand my Pentecostal beliefs. She can actually be quite cruel and I often have to remind her that when she is bad mouthing those "charismatic weirdos" that her daughter is one of those weirdos.
Whatever your thoughts, God will not leave your side regardless of what your Pop said. With my past, I never thought God would want a dirty sinner like me.
I am praying for you, and I know it's hard for you to see right now and I am not going to give any trite quotes or words because I myself know it doesn't work when you are in pain.
I wish I could help more lovely, just know that you mean a lot to your Sane friends.
26 Jun 2025 07:49 AM
26 Jun 2025 07:49 AM
Thanks @ENKELI
I always believed He never gave us anything we couldn’t handle. Now I’m not so sure.
I have bipolar 2 as well. It’s there for life. Why would He do that. was it my past sins.
Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sorry about your mum.
Maybe I’ll find my way back. I was thinking of going to church on Saturday night to see if I could find him but mum had organised a BBQ at my place so I can’t go. Maybe next week. Maybe I’m looking for Him in the wrong places. I do feel as though he has given up on me but I need to try and be better so He comes back.
26 Jun 2025 02:45 PM
26 Jun 2025 02:45 PM
@Captain24 wow, we seem to have more in common than I thought. I also used to believe that He wouldn't give us more than we could handle. That's what I was taught. But I realised it was a lie.
I have also wrestled with my diagnosis. I also grew up in the 70's a child of divorce. There was only one other person I knew that had divorced parents. I had friends whose parents wouldn't let me play with them because mum was a single parent. I have often asked God why He let me be born into that situation.
Until we get to heaven - and we will - we probably won't know why. I can only cling to the thought that He is looking after me. I've had a couple of small prayers answered this week so I am back on track with God but I still feel guilty that I haven't read my Bible or gone to church for a very long time.
Please don't believe the lie that YOU need to be better. God doesn't want perfection, He wants us as we are so that He can grow us. It's okay that you won't get to go to church on Saturday.
Do you have any Christian friends apart from your Sane friends? Because I believe we are friends and I like to think God put me in your path for not just you, but me also.
I've done some pretty bad things, even after I was baptised and born again. When my BPD2 was diagnosed I was pretty out of control with drinking, smoking and hooking up with a lot of men. I was really promiscuous and one day I stopped to think, God is never going to want a dirty woman like me. Through grace and a friend God put in my life I stopped believing I couldn't be redeemed.
Having any type of mental health issue is hard, especially as a Christian. I had one friend tell me she had depression and God cured me of it. The way she said it made me feel like I am not praying enough, not reading the Bible enough and going to church etc because otherwise I would be healed of my mental illnesses. It took me a long time to get over that.
You have survived another day, I am praying for you each night. And @Dimity @Appleblossom @AuntGlow @avant-garde @tyme I ask that you pray for Captain as well please. Y'all have been so good to me, I know we can create a prayer circle.
If there is anything I say that you don't like or agree with don't be afraid to let me know as well. I would hate for you to be made to feel worse because of something I said.
Much love and hugs xo
26 Jun 2025 05:07 PM
26 Jun 2025 05:07 PM
Hello @ENKELI @Captain24 @avant-garde I pray each of us finds the reconciliation we seek.
@Captain24 I attended Catholic masses as a child too but my family didn't identify with the wider Catholic community. These days I feel a bit lost and draw from a range of beliefs, predominantly but not exclusively what people might regard as mainstream Christian. But within Christianity there are different streams. Accepting the faith we grew up in but feeling unworthy of it or rejected hurts a lot. And there's different emphases on the Church as institution versus personal relationship with God and Saviour in the different flavours. Our conscience has been shaped by upbringing, institutions, personal experiences and actions, and sense of identity, and what we choose to commit to. That's a lot to wrestle with in any dark night of the soul.
It's particularly hard if there's a sense we're predestined to failure - because of who we are or the events in our life, and maybe that intersects with our own mental health and the cultural safety of where we find ourselves. I was 4 when my grandmother told me I won't go to Heaven when I die.
Someone once told me I looked like a lost sheep. I do feel that way but I guess I have Psalm 23 to draw on.
26 Jun 2025 05:58 PM
26 Jun 2025 05:58 PM
@ENKELI I want to acknowledge and thank you for sharing your path in finding your faith. You've experienced so much of life's tapestry, through your personal battles in your past life and the once-happy times with your friend and godchildren. I pray you find wellbeing and happiness and a sense of Christian community again.
The world is in a bit of turmoil at every level. But I notice those of us in this thread still have hope things can improve for ourselves and others and I guess that reflects a deeper level of faith.
26 Jun 2025 06:19 PM
26 Jun 2025 06:19 PM
Thanks for sharing @Dimity @ENKELI @Captain24 @Appleblossom ,
I've still got a lot to learn in terms of my faith, but I can say it has carried me through a lot of things.
26 Jun 2025 07:43 PM
26 Jun 2025 07:43 PM
I really appreciate the support and prayers from you all @tyme @Dimity @ENKELI @Appleblossom.
Hopefully He doesn’t see me as a failure.
I have a lot to learn. I don’t really understand a lot. But I guess we never do. My faith has just always been there but I’ve never read a bible. I don’t even own one. Maybe I don’t deserve to be in this chat.
26 Jun 2025 07:54 PM
26 Jun 2025 07:54 PM
@Captain24 yes I didn't read the bible either although my protestant grandmother gave me one.
I probably overthink things.
And make them too complicated. Sorry about that. I never feel I belong either.
26 Jun 2025 07:56 PM
26 Jun 2025 07:56 PM
I grew up with the King James Version. I used to memorise chapters and chapters @Dimity . Put it this way.. there was a lot I didnt understand, but now, I can carry those words and apply them in life.
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