My special place

[rav3n]

hey @Snowie sorry to hear how hard its been. i know that holding that hope each morning gets can get harder, and the fact that you keep doing it anyways means a lot. 

sitting with you and sending you some gentle hugs 💗

[Snowie]

Thanks @Ru-bee 

@rav3n I'm just exhausted with life.

I've really tried, reached out for help, followed what people said. It's just too damm hard.

[rav3n]

i absolutely hear you @Snowie life can be so damn exhausting and hard. we take all the right steps, and even then, it feels so heavy. i think it's hard for us to see the progress, or see hope when we're 'in' the hard part. 

how's your self-care been going?

[Snowie]

I can feel things going backwards @rav3n

I can feel myself losing that hope, that my life isn't worth it.

I think what has been the hardest is pretending like things are ok. Keeping up that charade.

Self care has been hard.

In saying that, I'm going to give myself a break and go to bed. Best place to be.

Thank you

[rav3n]

@Snowie please know that your life is absolutely worth it. you are no less deserving that the next person. you matter to us. 

i know it can be hard to believe those words, especially when things feel like they're going backwards - but as you know, the recovery journey isn't linear. sometimes we move 1 step forward, then 2 steps back, then 3 steps forward again - and in the moments we move backwards, it feels like we're failing ourselves/others but in the big picture, you've made progress (even if it's one step, it counts). 

thanks for letting me know you're working on staying safe, i hope you get some rest. totally hear that self-care can be hard, see if you can fit in 5 mins of it tomorrow? maybe reading some of those e-books you've downloaded? no pressure though!! good night, hope tomorrow's a bit brighter 💙

[Snowie]

So I spent 40mins waiting to talk to someone on chat and then just gave up.

I know it probably would have been a shorter wait on phone, but sometimes writing it is the only choice I have.

[Snowie]

thanks

[Snowie]

Just had a telehealth appt. with psych.

Didn't tell her what I'm doing, only really skimmed the surface. Spent half the time talking about mum when I really needed to talk about other things. I hate talking to a screen.

So stupid

She is going on leave for 6 weeks soon. Guess it won't matter

[rav3n]

@Snowie i had a similar experience with my psych recently, i wanted to talk about one thing but ended up chatting about something else for the entire time and left feeling unsatisfied and annoyed at myself. 

sorry you didn't get a chance to chat about what you really needed/wanted to. sometimes its hard to communicate what we really want to chat about, especially when the topic of conversation is heavy. is what you wanted to chat about something you can bring up with your pdoc soon?

[Bow]

Giving you a huge hug @Snowie 

that all sucks a lot. Hate it when ya end up talking about stuff that you didn’t really wanna talk about and not about what you did.