Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Teiflingboi]

First time poster here. 
my partner has c-ptsd ( among other things) and things have been really rough lately. They’re so scared all the time and get triggered into flashbacks so easily. They’re in therapy, and we communicate really well and have a few systems to try to mitigate things but it’s still really sucky 

I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for, maybe just someone who GETS it you know? I’ve tried joining ptsd spouses groups fb but most of them are military centric and has a very different vibe from our lived experiences. It’s just so terrible seeing the person I love so much be so scared- especially when I do something that triggers them and they think I’m their abuser for a split second,,, it just sucks and I feel so alone in this lol 

[fern7]

Hello, it sounds like your doing your best to be present with what is, sending your partner and yourself strength to get through each day and to enjoy the moments when life feels shiny. 

As a person with complex ptsd myself I recall the challenges my partner had when I was in the thick of it, c ptsd is complicated and can come in ebbs and flows many different lived experiences.

The only way out is through, when things are falling apart sometimes they are falling back together. 

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @Teiflingboi,

It sounds like an incredibly difficult time for you and your partner. I can see how committed you are to them, which is so nice. From my experience, having a partner that understands and can listen to you when you're being vulnerable is the biggest support anyone can ask for. I know sometimes the situation might make you feel helpless but just sitting with them in their pain is a big deal. 

[defaultusername]

Hey @Teiflingboi,

Welcome to the Forum, and thank you very much for sharing.

I'm sorry you're in such a difficult situation right now, I can sense how distressing it must be for both of you.

Though, it does sounds like your partner is very lucky to have someone that is so understanding, and it's lovely that you both communicate well and have some systems in place. 

As @fern7 and @lavenderhaze have touched on previously, it does sounds like you're doing your absolute best and that simply being there with them in their pain is some of the best support you could be providing your partner.

I also care for a loved one with C-PTSD and here are some resources I have found very helpful:

SANE

• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/complex-post-traumatic-stress-disord... 
• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/the-sane-blog/mental-illness/what-is-complex-ptsd 

Blue Knot Foundation

• https://blueknot.org.au/resources/understanding-trauma-and-abuse/what-is-complex-trauma/ 
• https://blueknot.org.au/supporters/ 
  

On the supporters page there is also some wonderful information in regard to how to improve our knowledge and skills as supporters of people living with complex trauma, and also some great tips for self-care. As it is so easy to forget to look after ourselves.

I hope that both you and your partner can find the support you are looking for and that things improve for the two of you.

Looking forward to hearing from you.


Take care,

defaultusername

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Teiflingboi 

Welcome to the forums 🙂 

Hey! You're not alone! It's lovely that you want to support your partner. Creating a sense of safety through healthy, consistent and secure boundaries that promote respect and equality for both parties in the relationship is essential to ensuring that neither person 'burns out'.

As someone with c-ptsd, it can be difficult to know what normal/safe is sometimes, but I've noticed that triggers may start to arise when in the presence of a trusted friend or partner, because the body recognises it doesn't need to mask, be as guarded, etc. It can be very difficult for both partners to go through this phase in the relationship, but working through it to the other side can be very liberating (although this may look different to everyone). 

Have you asked your partner what things you do or say make them feel safe?

Respecting people's journey's is a great gift to give anyone. It sounds like you are doing your best to provide that for your partner. Letting them know you care, that you see a future, and that they're not 'broken' is a very nice gift of hope.

Honouring the person, being mindful of the trauma but not equating it to the person, I guess. Be steady. That's my only suggestion. Feel free to reach out here anytime. Lots of people here will have ideas for you 🙂👍