Topic Tuesday now on - The gift of giving too much

[happygirl]

I find when it is Christmas there is so much pressure about family events. There is lots of emotions that come up including avoidance from both the carer and one being cared for.

What I find best is clear communication about what you want, both to the one you care for and to family. And you can't please everyone.

Compromise is also another good thing. Maybe one year you do what the carer wants and the next year you do what the person being cared for wants.

I have had to learn that the hard way as it has always been what the one being cared for wants. The carer's needs were not being met. 

[CherryBomb]

It's not too off topic @Cazzie. I asked you what does your DH do to manage stress over Xmas. From the sounds of it, it seems like he knows what he could do( 'man-tact') but there are barriers for him. Remember, that as a carer there is only so much you can do for him if he is not wanting to help himself.

When we care for someone, it's easy to feel stressed when they are stressed, but it's not possible to cure their stress. Like other illness, people need to do what they can to recover. It's not possbile to make someone else better - we can't eat healthy for them, or take medicine for them. We can certainly get them those things but in the end, it's up to them to take it. Remember there is only so much we can do. To @happygirl and @Alessandra1992 points we can't please everyone.

We have another 10 minutes to go before we finish so any please share any final thoughts on this topic? If I may, could I ask us to reflect on how we might get back to enjoying some aspect of Xmas?

[happygirl]

For me it would be to put God first. Put limits on what we will and won't do (such as how long to stay at a family event). Take small steps such as if a person won't go out then encourage them to go out just around the block to see xmas lights, not drive them miles away to see them etc.

And to get back into Christmas focus on fun

[Cazzie]

It took a lot for me to ask for help to deal with my problems. My husbands MI is his but the associated problems are ours.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank everyone on these forums for helping me to own my share of the problems and for teaching me that I don't own ALL the problems.

[CherryBomb]

That concludes our Topic Tuesday tonight, 'The gift of too much giving'.

Thanks for everyone's contributions tonight. The session went by so quickly! If you feel like you've still got some thoughts you'd like to contribute please don't hesitate to start a new thread.

In summary, tonight's conversation revealed there are many additional stresses that add up for ourselves and the people we care for during this time of year. Some great strategies were discussed tonight:- Knowing what is your share of problems but also knowing that not ALL the problems are yours

 - Open and clear communication

- Setting realistic expectations for yourself and others

- Accepting that you can't please everyone (your friends won't unfriend you if don't get the perfect gift, or don't cook the right meal, or that you can't make it to coffee)

- Be mindful of placing unnecessary pressure on yourself.

- Take some time out, even if it is just for a cup of tea.

- And most of all, try and have some fun!

I'd like to wish everyone a safe and Merry Xmas. I hope you all have a well deserved break, and can connect with things and people that you love.

CherryBomb

[CherryBomb]

Hi All, 

For anyone interested in continuing this conversation, you might like to contribute to this thread started by @Louise. She talks about the additional pressure she is facing around this time year. Can you relate? Or do you have any advice?