I don't know how to help my husband's depression

[Till23]

Good to see a dietician @Shaz51 you have to be careful with a few thing with kidney failure. I hope you get some good advice.

OOh the nursery......I have to be careful when going there and strict with myself going to Bunnings in case I stray into the garden section and things accidentally fall into my trolley 😂

[Shaz51]

😅😅 very true @Till23 

My mum was a gardener,  there are gardens everywhere 

We got rid of a few garden but there  is so much more 

So many weeds and rock borders 

And I brought some more dialsis seeds 🤣🤣

[Till23]

Hi @Shaz51 yes gardening has so many good things about it, but not weeds😂

What type of seeds did you buy?

[tyme]

How are you @Tete ?

[Tete]

Thank you @tyme .

I had been well. Hubby has been ok too. He needs few months to get over the feeling of 'nobody likes me'. He still say it but he's able to go outside like little shopping or put fuel in the car etc. It's small but it's a start. He's also starting his breath work and trying organising to see phone psychologist. I'm happy with it.

Also He's on fishing trip with our 14yo son at the moment. It's school holiday and apparently weather is good now so they decided to spend few days at rural area. But I have to work so I'm staying at home. The reception is sketchy so I actually don't know how they are doing. I got few messages. They've managed to catch a mud crab so they should be happy. But I got another message saying, fishing is not very good or there's not much to do etc.

If I were there, I'd gladly take 'nothing to do' as just relaxing and spend time with my son but hubby being naturally negative person he could think of himself as a failure. Well, I just have to see how they went when they come home in few days. Hope he's not too depressed. It'll be very hard for 14yo son. I can take his depression but I don't want our son to deal with dad's depression by himself.. fingers crossed!

[Shaz51]

Hello @Tete 

Sending you lots of understanding hugs and sitting with you 💗 

Yes my husband will say a negative response to every day 

@Jynx , @Healandlove 

[tyme]

@Tete , thanks for the update. I can hear the struggles your hubby has been having. That negative rumination can be so loud for someone with depression. I hope the psychotherapy can help with that. 

I wonder if there are peer workers in your area who can connect with him? Sometimes, just hearing what recovery can look like can be so helpful. 

And yes, celebrating those little successes can go a long way. Just let him know that you can see he is trying and you can acknowledge his effort. 

Please look after yourself. As much as you want to look after him, you can't pour from an empty cup.

We look forward to hearing from you.

[Tete]

Thank you.

Thye came home few days ago and hubby seemed ok. Well, he wasn't happy about himself that he didn't take his boat out as much as other dad did. He felt lazy about it but I could cheer him up as success trip with our son. So it's all ok.

He's still trying to organise a psych. He contacted one of the suppot website and and registered. Apparently one of the psych has been trying to contact with him last 3 weeks but hubby being scared of answering a phone, he missed all attempted contact from psych and now he got quite agressive Email from psych about hubby not picking up a phone.

I know it's frustrated and stressful for someone trying to contact such a long time but I thought psych would show bit more understanding with a person with depression struggling to comunicate with stranger. Well, I dont know if he wants to talk to this psychologist or may have to ask someone else. Everything is so hard to organise for him.

There is a mens group in this little town. He met one of the ex-member of this group the other day. This guy said it used to be helpful and enjoyed going there weekly but the main leader has changed and this guy is not good. One day, the leader has asked raise hand if you have vacctinated for COVID and this guy was the only one to raise a hand. The leader was serious anti-vaxxer and started to attaching this guy. Every since then, he stopped going to the group. It's really shame but this is the only group that I know of..

oh well, it's still all ok. We'll manage somehow. Hope to find stable psychologist for hubby soon. He really needs someone to talk to regurally besides me. 

[tyme]

Hey @Tete ,

You're right. There's a boundary between how much a loved one can support, and as you said, it's certainly helpful to have an objective view on the situation from someone else.

I'm sorry to hear about the aggressive email. I can only imagine how stressful it would have been for your hubby. 

He is so lucky to have you support him. I hope you find someone he can speak to very soon. 

We look forward to hearing any updates.

[Tete]

Thank you @tyme 

I'm supporting him and you and everybody else on this community is supporting me. I feel a lot lighter after posting what's going on with my life. I don't have a real friend who can talk/ understand depression so this helps me a lot. Thank you.