an honest discussion (tw suicide)

[Eden1919]

sorry to make another thread but i am trying to think genuinely if i should still be alive or not. i am struggling so so much with literally everything my quality of life is terrible my physical and mental health are terrible i struggle to look after myself even with help i am hardly showering or brushing my teeth my room is a mess and i dont have the capacity to eat healthy enough meals. i havent done my washing in months i struggle to do basic things for myself. i am behind in my studies and dont think i will be able to catch up and i cant take any more time off or fail any more units or it is game over. i am trying my best but no matter how hard i try i cant keep up and i am just constantly failing at everything. i am a burden to everyone around me and a waste of everyones time. i dont know what to do anymore but it doesnt look like there is anyway to make things better and like should i just call it quits and stop pushing myself to achieve things i cannot do. practically i shouldnt be here anymore i cause more problems than i fix so maybe it is time to go. idk i am safe for tonight but i need to seriously consider if i keep going or not. 

[Darrin]

Hey, take it from me, after 30 years i finally found my place in this world.

[D1ng0]

Hey @Eden1919, how are you doing this morning? We care about you. I'm sure the peer support workers here can offer better support than I can, but I would definitely recommend therapy, if you haven't accessed therapeutic support yet. (I'm kinda new around here so I haven't gotten to know everyone and their situations.) You deserve more support to handle what life's throwing at you. Urgently though:

Lifeline:

Ph: 13 11 14

Web: http://www.lifeline.org.au/ (If Chrome blocks the site, try Safari.)

Suicide Call Back Service:

Ph: 1300 659 467

Web: https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

Beyond Blue:

Ph: 1300 22 4636

Web: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support 

Forums: https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/ 

@Jynx @tyme @PizzaMondo I hope it's okay to tag you folks, I think Eden1919 needs more support than I have the insight for (PS: I hope you're all doing alright this morning).

[Jynx]

@Eden1919 Hey hun, just checking in - how are you travelling this afternoon?

I can really hear how much pressure you're feeling at the moment hun - to succeed at uni, to eat healthy, to do all the bits needed for upkeep of yourself and your home. It's a lot, especially if you're at a point where you're struggling to survive. It really sounds like things are reaching crisis point, and I'm wondering if you've considered an admission, or some other kind of in-patient care? Something to act as a circuit-breaker, give you some respite and a place with round-the-clock care? 

[MayaBird07]

Hi @Eden1919 

I'm sorry to read that things have been so difficult for you. I can relate to what you are going through, having had many years feeling like life is swallowing me whole, and feeling like I have no way out. 

It is great you have reached out. It takes a lot of courage and strength and you should feel proud of yourself for just doing that if nothing else. 

My psychologist gave me a task of writing a  daily list of 3 things I want to accomplish by the end of the day and why. Some days it has just been, have a shower because I feel gross and I know it will help me feel a little better. Strangely enough it gives me something to work toward and accomplish each day. I don't always accomplish all 3 things, and while they seem like silly little things, they are huge things when you feel like everything is too hard.

I've been doing it quite consistently now for about 10 weeks and it is amazing what I have been able to achieve in that time. My house is clean, I feel more organised and have started studying again. 

You are not alone in your feelings of wanting to end it all, but know despite how bad things may feel right now, it is temporary and you have so far survived all your worst days. Give yourself a little care and compassion. 

I wish you all the best and please make sure you reach out to any of the support services available should you need help. You don't need to face things alone and things will get better. It just takes a little time. 

[Roses59]

@Eden1919 Hi Eden I completely understand how you’re feeling. Every day is a struggle. I feel so alone most of the time. Life can be so hard and becomes overwhelming to cope. This is my first time that I’m going to be alone for Easter. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this long weekend. I’m so isolated. I truly am having a difficult time coping 😞

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Roses59 

Sorry to hear that this is also a difficult time for you. Do you have anything planned for this weekend? There may be some events in your area planned you could find online? Like a biscuit and cuppa catch-up? 

We have a social threads, too 🙂 https://saneforums.org/t5/Social-Spaces/Looking-for-a-space-to-connect-with-others-Find-a-list-of/m...

  Be great if you dived in, made a cuppa for yourself and let us have a chat with you, if you felt up to it?

[Roses59]

@8ppleTree Thank you for your reply. I truly appreciate it. Unfortunately I’m home for Easter on my own. So it’s a very lonely time for me.

I would love to have a chat with you❤️

[fromtheashes]

Hey @Eden1919 

I just want to let you know that if you are studying at university (I assume so because you mentioned units?) You can apply for a Leave of Absence to take time off your degree. Also if you are failing units you can withdraw without penalty or fee if you provide evidence of exceptional circumstances (e.g., deterioration of mental health). 

I was really unwell three years ago and kept trying and trying to finish my studies while living chaos but I eventually realised I needed to focus on my health first. 

It took a while but I built a routine that took care of household stuff, hygiene, exercise etc. I started small, with one thing, exercise, then added things progressively. It's very overwhelming if you just list all the things you need to do. 

My advice (take it with a grain of salt):

Set yourself up for success with your studies by taking care of yourself first. Study will always be there and just because you aren't getting it done when you expected or when your friends are doesn't mean you are a failure. 

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE - you might just need to approach things differently 

[tyme]

Hey @Roses59 ,

Feel free to connect with others over the Easter break.

I'll create a thread and anyone can post there to connect with others.

There's always someone online.