an honest discussion (tw suicide)

[Jasper_123]

Hi @Eden1919 , I'm so sorry to hear how many things have piled up for you. I know that in my own experience that when all those things build up it becomes very difficult to do even one of the items on the to-do list. I'm going to address things that I have found helpful in my own life.

Food: It is better to eat than to not eat for me in my worst periods things like instant rice, gnocchi, noodles, instant meals and then just throwing some spinach on top for nutrients. Alternatively if you don't have an appetite figuring out some high value foods that you're likely to eat or that are easy to eat (eg. smoothies are nutrient dense but it's easier to drink than eat) 

Cleaning: Do you have a friend who you could ask for help with the laundry? Could you try and break it up so it's less overwhelming? 10 loads of laundry is scary but making it smaller might be easier to do. 

Uni: I'm in uni myself part-time and I know the feeling of being behind and then becoming so behind you become frozen. Have you got a learning access plan in place? The best thing you can do is pick the smallest task and start - once you get going it becomes less scary. I normally start with an online lecture to get my brain started. 

[tyme]

Hi @Eden1919 @Roses59 ,

How are you both?

We are looking forward to hearing from you. 

I'm sorry if things have been tough going recently.

[Eden1919]

@Jasper_123  i try to break things into smaller tasks but even that is too much and then you just end up with even more little tasks so it isnt always a viable solution. i have support workers but they can only do so much. 

@tyme  honestly i am still struggling i am trying my best but i just feel terrible all the time and exhausted and idk it is hard to explain but everything is still too much and no matter how hard i try it is not enough to keep up with everything. idk i am at a loss for what to do and that just makes me feel even more like suicide is really my only viable option. idk i am safe for tonight i just feel like shit. 

[tyme]

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself? @Eden1919 

We are here for you.

[defaultusername]

No need to apologise @Eden1919,

It's lovely to hear from you again… I am sorry that you are still having such a hard time. From your original post, it sounds like you have a lot of commitments and that can be overwhelming trying to balance them and still take care of yourself in the process.

When I feel overwhelmed, it really helps to speak to someone like a counsellor. But in between those appointments, I've created a kind of support network I can lean on and is a part of my safety plan when I know I may be heading towards a crisis...

I access Beyond Blue or the SANE Forum when I just need to vent or talk, or Lifeline when I've reached a bit of a crisis point.

I'm wondering if you've accessed your universities counselling service? They could help support you with your study commitments and ensure that your lecturers know you just need a bit more time at the moment, so you can have a chance to take care of yourself.

And perhaps your support worker could help you with some of your household tasks, so things aren't so much for you at home? Such as helping you with the washing etc. Or they should be able to connect you with someone that can.

Here are some links with some supports for when you feel you need to speak to someone:

Crisis support:
- https://saneforums.org/t5/Need-Help-Now/ct-p/need-help-now

- https://www.sane.org/get-support 
Which has the details of SANE's mental health professionals and ongoing guidance and support, which can connect you with counsellors and peer support worker through SANE's Guided Service (https://www.sane.org/referral)

Because if you are thinking thoughts of suicide then this is serious... and we are here for you.

I hope that today is better for you.

Know that you're not alone,

defaultusername

[Eden1919]

@tyme  i dont think i am putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on myself i try to take it easy when i can but i have some very real deadlines and things like showering and brushing my teeth i have to do eventually and even then like it is too much idk it is just hard i cant keep up no matter how hard i try. 

@defaultusername  i have a psychologist and my support workers do what they can but it is hard because in order for them to help there are things i have to do first that only i can do so even getting them to help is a difficult task for me. it is just really hard and i am trying my best but that is not enough. 

i am still not sure what to do long term if things keep going the way they are going then i probably shouldnt stay alive idk i havent decided anything yet and i am safe tonight i just i am really exhausted. 

[tyme]

Thanks for sharing @Eden1919 ,

It's certainly good to have some boundaries and accountability in place so that you break your day up a bit. When you finally accomplish a task (no matter how large or small), would a little celebration or treat for yourself encourage you to keep going?

[Former-Member]

Hey there @Eden1919 🙂 🌺

Just wanted to say a kind and gentle hello to you, and to gently ask how youre going, if that is ok? 

Just been reading through this thread, and I wanted to reach out a hand and see if you'd like someone to chat with this arvo 🙂

PinkFlamingo

[Eden1919]

@tyme  treats dont work to encourage me i think because it isnt a motivation issue like i am motivated to do things i just cant do them idk it is hard to explain. 

@Former-Member  sorry i am only seeing this now. i am not going very well things are very overwhelming at the moment and i am struggling a lot if i am honest. 

i am still carefully considering if i should be alive or not and while i havent made any decisions yet the list of reasons why i shouldnt be here is stacking up quite high. i am safe tonight but yeah just things arent looking very good at the moment. 

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Eden1919 

How are you feeling today? How are your animals?