Down in the Dumps

[MoonGal]

@Faith-and-Hope thank you 

[Faith-and-Hope]

@MoonGal ❤️💕

Hugs ..... ❣

[utopia]

@MoonGal. It's good to have a break and be gentle with ourselves.
I don't know if you were at fault for decisions made. We tend to do what we learn from childhood and sometimes that may mean we were a bit self destructive in our teenage / early adult years. But it doesn't define who you are!.
I'm sorry this part of your journey is so painful. Treat yourself well. Use your comfort box if need. Do something just for you.
Sending you my support and hugs. ♥♥♥

[Former-Member]

Hi @MoonGal
So sorry to hear that you've been down in the dumps. Deconstructing is so hard, pulling it all apart piece by piece. I hope your terrible triggering day has passed now and you are finding the strength to start climbing again. I can only imagine the frustration of loosing your computer. In my family they kind of become like part of the family. I lost one of mine in the move and still grimace at it with all the things lost with it. Thems the breaks when one doesn't back up. Take care 💜💐😊

[Appleblossom]

Dear Moongal

Adoption, fostering and step relationships ... exacerbate ... the essential existential angst we all have ...

glad you have a decent psychologist and getting good info.

I doubt it worth pursuing with your mother ... mine was a "natural" which she went on about a lot ... and did not get anywhere near even close to satisfactory.

Take care to protect yourself ... you have done the best to see she is safe and in good hands ... now its time for you.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hear, hear ...... ❤

@Appleblosdom @MoonGal

[Shaz51]

Hello @MoonGal, sending you hugs

[MoonGal]

@Faith-and-Hope, @Shaz51, @Appleblossom, @Former-Member

Heya all - thank you for your solid support and care when I was going through it. Got a lot worse, but easing off now. I am basically only spending exactly 30 minutes with my Mum when I see her just to drop things off or tell her something and to 'be seen'. It is helping. I am totally unstuck there for a few days I was so anxious and wailing even thinking about going to see her.

I have had to back off reading the book "The Body Keeps the Score" - it is triggering me all over the shop - as helpful as it HAS been i just need a break, a real break. I have regular appointments set up to see the counsellor I like and have decided to not do "much work" between the appointments once a fortnight - just ask myself ONE thing. What mistaken beleifs did you create when you were xx age.

I am dealing with alot of shame and rejection, all hard yards. 

Waves of love to you all 👋🏾

_______________________

@Faith-and-Hope

Thank you for your message earlier today on Sherry's thread and 💜's back to you with bells on 🔔

Re: My introduction - Living with PTSD

7 hours ago 

Hi @MoonGal ..... ❤💕

[MoonGal]

Hi @MoonGal ..... ❤💕

[Appleblossom]

Hi @MoonGal

It really is hard to put a limit on our love and our feelings and how that manifests with our first care giver. When it is a bit toxic its essential to do it.  It took decades for me. I was into my 50s. But after finally being convinced that I had to protect myself from my mother, it really helped not to extend myself so much.  

I really beamed when you mentioned not doing too "much work".  Sometimes Herculean effort is not what will build our interior castle  ... sometimes its smaller more focussed attention .. still significant though.

Glad that you have found a therapist you like.

Also I missed seeing your posts ...

[MoonGal]

@Appleblossom - thank you, that makes so much sense to me. "It really is hard to put a limit on our love and our feelings" yes! exactly - I feel as if I am abandoning her in her hours of need, but so NEED to look after myself right now too. Torn and a bit tattered by it all.