Lived Experience Forum

[Rabbit1]

Hi. I have been struggling with anxiety the last couple of weeks. I first experienced anxiety about six years ago. My doctor has put me on medication and I have seen psychologists in the past. I don't find the psychology sessions very helpful. They are very expensive which only increases my anxiety. In the past I have tried tapering off the medication with my doctor's guidance twice, but both times I relapsed and had to go back on the medication. I am trying to reduced my medication again with my doctor. It has been afew weeks at a slightly lower dose and my anxiety is flooding back. I hate this feeling and feel like it is a constant roller-coaster. I worry that I might never be able to come off the medication. I don't know if I am just having withdrawal symptoms or if I am relapsing. I worry what my life with anxiety will be like later in life, especially during retirement. Anxiety feels so lonely. All I want is to be able to speak to other people who are going through the same thing. I try to avoid talking to my friends about it because I don't want to burden them or trigger them. It can be so overwhelming. I wish there was some type of drop in centre were you can go anytime to speak to other people. There are alot of support services out there but yet it still feels the the health care system for mental health is broken and it feels so hard to find something that works/helps.

[tyme]

Hey @Rabbit1 ,

I totally here you. I'm on an SSRI and functioning so well with it. My doc has said I can come off it within a matter of weeks. However, knowing my history, I've chosen to taper extremely slowly. 

I was on the maximum dose, and after 3 years, I've reduced twice and am now on the 'normal' amount. This is half the max dose.

I'm so glad I've taken my tapering very very slowly. It means I allow my body to get used to it.

However, we are all different, and what works for me may not be for you.

I'll be honest, without the medication, I would have not been fit for therapy. I resisted taking meds at first, but my anxiety and depression was intense.

I hope you find what works for you.

I'm glad you have been able to connect with us. Connection was essential as part of my recovery.

[Rabbit1]

Thank you for your reply. I was reluctant to start medication as well. I had my parents telling me not to take it.

[tyme]

Everyone around me told me to take it, but the stigma attached to medication was what held me back I reckon. It took a long time to finally accept that I really needed it @Rabbit1 

Do you have supports around you?

[Rabbit1]

The stigma makes it so hard. I have my doctor for support. I can't talk to family members about my anxiety as they only make me feel worse. They have yelled at me in the past, telling me there was nothing wrong, when all I needed was for them to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything will be okay. I  have spoken to a couple of friends in the past but I am conscious of not over burdening them or triggering them. 

[tyme]

How do you usually spend your day? Do you have supports during the day whom you can reach out to? @Rabbit1 

Loneliness can be hard too. I can see how being yelled at doesn't help. 

Please know you are not going through this alone.

[Rabbit1]

I usually spend my days at work. I definitely try to hide my anxiety as much as I can at work. Again, I don't want to burden my friends at work. When I'm at my worst I usually call lifeline. It can be helpful talking to a stranger but it isn't the same as face to face. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was free to talk openly about their mental health without the stigma.

[tyme]

Absolutely @Rabbit1 ! I'm glad you feel you are able to reach out to lifeline. That's certainly very helpful. They may not be able to fix things, but they can listen.

I absolutely hear what you say about being able to speak openly about MH. In my previous workplace, I was told not to speak about my MH. From then on, this was quite damaging, and I became too afraid to open up. 

It took hospital admissions and admissions into PARC to give me the confidence to open up. I had a peer support worker too who really helped me normalise my MH. To add on top of that, these forums were amazing and allowed me to speak openly. This was the beginning of my recovery.

I hope you find this a safe space to share @Rabbit1 . You deserve to be heard and supported.

[RoseGeranium]

Hi @Rabbit1 !

I used to suffer from anxiety really badly and I'd like to make a book recommendation if you're open to it.  I found The Power of Now really helpful and you should be able to get that from your local library.  It's worth having your own copy and I know it's available via audiobook as well.  The Power of Now taught me how to practice mindfulness, which combats anxiety really well.  Mindfulness is a type of meditation in which you focus on being intensely aware of what you're sensing and feeling in the moment, without interpretation or judgment.  You don't judge the emotions, thoughts or ideas that come up, you just pay attention to what is coming up so that you can analyse those thoughts yourself.  That might mean that you can spend time analysing your own thoughts to take to therapy so that you can take them apart with your therapist.

Also, there are drop-in centres for mental health around the country.  Try seeing if there is a NEAMI close to you and give them a call to see what you can find within your area.  Failing that, your local council might be a contact point for finding group therapy or free therapy.  'Free' doesn't always mean it's the best service you can find, but you never know your luck.

Much love,

Rose.

[Rabbit1]

Thank you very much.