I don't mind you asking at all @Former-Member. My s3 is the only one who hasn't and won't get help. S4 is linked in with headspace and S1 has a psychologist he sees, S2 has got help before too. S3 won't have a bar of it. I took him to Child mental health services when he was 12 for issues (he kept wanting me to crash the car so we could both die) This was a few years before my major breakdown. He hated it. Then when things were bad in our family I took him to see my GP to talk to. Pretty much refused to speak to him. I also took him to see my counsellor and he was rude to her 😬 He doesn't see anything wrong with him although he has occasionally said he has to do something (usually exercise) so he doesn't get depressed so I guess he's aware of that. He has ADHD too so impulsive erratic behaviour is part of him. I would imagine that he will come up BPD one day too. Part of it is my fault. I never understood any emotion regulation until I was diagnosed, he had no hope of learning it and he has been abandoned by all 3 adults in charge of his care including me when I was really unwell by the time he was 16. He has lots of things he will need to learn as an adult. He is 19 now but will take years before he'll work much of it out. His choices of late have been atrocious too but avoids all relationships. He drinks too much and is often wild without boundaries....but I don't live with any of this or his moods. He has lived with another family since he was 16. He is lucky in that his second mum has adopted him as one of hers and she has been great for him, perhaps demonstrating lots of healthy behaviours and emotion regulation.
My abandonment is not with my kids. Strangely I don't fear it. It was all my intimate relationships with men and I guess close friends. From 16 until 3 years ago when I completely broken, the longest I was out of a relationship was 4 months....and that was between my ex husband and ex partner. The latest in my string of fear of abandonments is with my mental health support professionals. Last year it played out really badly with my psychologist. The fear drove me to insanity at times. I was seeing her twice weekly. But as of the last 24 hours I think there is something underlying it a bit.
Ive tried to imagine what it must be like as the mum of your daughter with her abuser but can't fathom it either. I know you must feel like you've been put in a straight jacket and made to watch the show. It sounds truly horrific at times. I am probably more like your daughter and can't cope with being consoled. I tend to pull away and hide to deal with it all on my own because it's the only way I can control myself and not get sucked in to something I can't control. I've been this way all my life. I turn mine inwards though. I rarely lash out but have a few times in terrible ways I'm ashamed of. I turn to SH and needing to switch off the motherload of emotions. But I didn't always do this, before my breakdown I would just hide and cry myself to sleep for days. Or for a while I would drive off for hours.
I don't know if any of this helps💜🤗
