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ComaToes
Casual Contributor

Introduction

Hi everyone. I just want to connect and get into a good place. I've had some minor issues for a long time and anti-depressants seemed to make it bearable. I've never sought any other treatment or support. But lately I have been feeling very emotional and sad about events long ago that I thought I had buried and moved on from. I will elaborate in a future post, but for now I would just like to say I'm glad I found this site and I am looking forward to getting some support and advice. Bye for now.

6 REPLIES 6

Re: Introduction

Hey @ComaToes 

 

Great to meet you! Welcome to the site 🙂

Re: Introduction

  • Thanks 😊 

Re: Introduction

Hey @ComaToes , Welcome to the forums! I'd be interested to get to know you a little more, especially about your username! Feel free to share if you feel up to it!

Re: Introduction

Hi. Yeah the user name just came to me. I thought it might get a laugh. But I do feel like my emotions have been comatose for about 50 years and the anniversary of a very traumatic event appears to have re-awakened them. It was a breakup with a girl and I thought I had gotten over her and moved on with my life. I'm nearly 69. I've been happily married for almost 40 years, with two adult kids. But a couple of days ago I woke up with a deep sadness and tears in my eyes and when my wife asked what was wrong I had to tell her that I was re-experiencing a profound grief from 50 years earlier. My subconscious had suppressed the feelings and everything came flooding back quite spontaneously. I wasn't aware that could happen. Now I am thinking about her every waking moment but I feel that I finally have clarity. I was never able to understand why we broke up. But now I think I know and I want to reach out and reconnect with her. Not to rekindle the romance but just to get back in her life as friend and let her know how I feel. In fact it's becoming an obsession. I have no idea where she is or what her situation is, but I want to track her down. Is that creepy or even socially acceptable? I'm a good guy. I never gave her any reason to break it off. In fact we were only together 6 months. I probably just wasn't right for her and I didn't expect that I would still have feelings after this amount of time. I just need to know she is okay and happy. I hope she will agree to see me if I can find her. There was no ill feeling, although she knew I blamed her for the break up. She went on to become a nurse because she had a kind, caring, compassionate nature, so I am feeling hopeful.

Re: Introduction

hey @ComaToes our mind and body can be pretty interesting, hey. sometimes it stores onto memories and emotions and decides to release it years later! i have heard that sometimes it happens because our mind/body isn't ready to process or doesn't feel like its safe enough to, so it saves it for when we're ready to face it. 

 

it's interesting how something from 50 years ago has popped up now! i definitely hear where you're coming from, the curiousity to know how she's doing and what she's up to can be so tempting. but at the same time, some people might find it intrusive and may want to keep the past in the 'past'. it depends on the person of course, so it can be hard to tell! i guess something you can think about is, what do you want to get out of the interaction? what happens if she isn't happy/content? is this going to impact your current relationship? will this impact your mental health? etc.
sometimes it can be better to accept and let go of the unknown, and sometimes getting answers are important - it's a hard choice to make! speaking to my psych helped me heaps in making my choice. what does your partner think about this?

Re: Introduction

I haven't spoken to my wife about this obsession as yet. Only to let her know that I have been re-experiencing some emotional pain from the past. She is understanding and supportive. I am considering discussing it with a psychologist before I take it any further. I don't think my partner would mind my reaching out, especially if it helps my mental health. And I'm hoping my ex sees it the same way. It's about healing rather than re-opening old wounds. A little compassion and understanding can pay dividends.

Lifeline Macarthur

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