Partner is schizophrenic and currently very delusional.

[CaptainHook]

My partner of 14 years is schizophrenic and currently experiencing a relapse (please excuse me if this isn't the correct phrase). They are getting treated, but this particular relapse, as well as the last time before this, have felt especially hard for me to handle.

My partner has experienced many various periods of hospitalization and relapses over the years regarding their mental health, so I feel like I am experienced at this stage. I am able to make sense of where a lot of their delusions are coming from and how they may relate to real life (eg. how their delusions relate to lived experiences, to people they know in real life, etc).

I feel like sometimes, in the past, my partner has had moments of clarity. One particular time I can think of, I kept doing "reality checks" with them, I kept telling them what they were experiencing wasn't real. And then, during a conversation, I saw what I can only describe as a light go off in their head - where they went from being completely delusional, to snapping out of their delusional mind. It happened like someone had snapped their fingers, it was that instant. My partner thanked me for getting through to them.

I cant help but think back to that moment, and what it may have been that I said or did. I know that I didn't "snap them out of it" - but I still wonder, what was it that finally got through to them? I wish that the same thing could happen now... because my partner has been very delusional for months now. And this time it really is taking a toll on my own mental health.

When my partner is unwell, it always affects my mental health, but this time I am really struggling.

I find myself getting angry speaking with them over the phone. My patience feels very thin. I feel worn out. In these past few months I feel I have been experiencing mood swings. I struggle to function from day to day. I have chores to do, I need to look for work, but my motivation is very low.

I feel lonely, stressed, anxious and depressed. I feel like it can be a struggle regulating my emotions. I try to be as supportive to my partner as I can while they are being treated, but I can't help feeling like they are sending me a bit crazy myself. Not sure of the best strategies to cope with my emotions. I have my productive days, but mostly I feel like I am avoiding life, looking for distractions until my partner is well again and we can resume living our "regular lives."

[Paperdaisy]

Hey @CaptainHook Welcome to the forums.

That sure does sound like a tough gig. I'm really sorry to read what you're experiencing. Do you have any support for yourself? You can't pour from an empty cup as they say and it sounds like you're really burnt out and running on empty. 

Are you linked in with carer gateway and carers Australia ?

There's also the hearing voices network if that would be helpful. 

I can only imagine how stressful this must be. I hope you have some supports in place or consider some for yourself. 

Please take care 💝

[luna288]

hi ive had delusions b4 and deal with my friends issues too much for my own good i carry extra baggage i think ure doing amazing ure frustrated to the point of helping and ure trying thts wht counts like good on ya mate to be australian. a light goes off eveery few minutes its flickers im confused and i want help but if i ask will i go back to the white room. thts my thoughts. but thanks. 

[FloatingFeather]

Hi @CaptainHook,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather and I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is nice to have you with us.

I just finished reading your post and wanted to say you seem like such a caring and loving partner. Having been an emotional carer for a close family member with a serious mental health issue for more than 20 years I get somewhat what you are going through. It is at times a lonely, exhausting and difficult role and I would really encourage you if you haven't already to find some supports for yourself too. 

I wonder whatever you said to your partner that day that `snapped them out of it' maybe was a combination of things? What I mean by this is maybe it was also the time of day, the space you were in, the way you said what you said, the connection you were having at the time? 

I don't think it is at all surprising that your emotional state is being affected by what is going on. It can be exhausting to support someone emotionally, especially for a long period of time. From my experience it can also be challenging when the person you love relapses - I know it can be very difficult for both of you. 

I think you should cut yourself some slack and recognise and give yourself credit for all you have done and all you do for your partner. Would you feel comfortable reaching out for some support for yourself? As mentioned in another post, organisations such as Carers Australia or Carers Gateway might be of use to you? Do you have friends / family members that you trust and feel okay talking to about what is going on?

My experience as a longterm emotional carer has taught me that I can only do so much, be so much, help so much and after that a lot of what is happening is out of my hands. I have also learnt that you `can't pour from an empty cup'. If I am depleted from my energy / not coping well emotionally myself I am of no use to anyone else. Prioritising your own wellbeing and mental health is so important - the carer also needs to be cared for.

I really with you and your partner all the best. Please keep reaching out on the Forums anytime - that's what we are here for.

Best wishes,

FloatingFeather

[Cauli]

Hi. I can totally relate to what you're going through as I'm going through the exact same thing. My partner of 6 years online ( he is from the US) and now 7 years living together here, was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at the age of 19. He is now 40 and is medicated for paranoid schizophrenia which has generally worked quite well in the past. But lately his delusions that everyone is lying to him and plotting against him are strong and have now come to include me. 

I've always been supportive and done and said everything possible to try and keep him happy but lately I'm at the end of my wits. I feel physically ill and so stressed out that I can't concentrate on anything else .. he doesn't want to see the doctor or a psychologist and apparently just wants to embrace the schizophrenia as he believes that is his true self.....

So, not sure what to do anymore as of course, he won't listen to reason and we used to be so close but this is driving a huge wedge in between our once loving relationship.

Thanks in advance for reading and thank you for your post too because it's helped me feel less alone in some ways. 

[tyme]

Hi @Cauli ,

Welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to read how tough this is for you right now. 

It sounds like it is not your partner that is really speaking, but the MH condition, and he does need support right now. Unfortunately, as with most cases, they do not see the need to seek help.

Does he have a regular GP he sees who you can speak to?

[Clod]

@CaptainHook 

I understand what you’re going through my husband was diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic 15 years ago. The first time he tried to cut down the meds he left me blaming me for everything wrong with us he ended up in hospital and the meds went back up again. He’s been stable the past ten years although I have had to love with the fact that his meds debilitate him so I’ve had to do everything for the house and the kids he works and that’s all he can manage. Social life non existent he doesn’t like people in general. Lots of conspiracy theories very dark topics and him burying himself on YouTube to escape the noise of our family. I accepted him because I love him. Recently he started having a delusion that I am too familiar with my daughters boyfriend and soon after started cut down his meds. Then a couple of weeks ago he exploded at me for what he calls me being inappropriately dressed in my own bedroom I had a tshirt on because my daughters boyfriend was on the house. He has since left me. I am heartbroken and confused I think it’s the meds but I can’t be sure he’s only angry with me and seems to be living his best life like I’m nothing 

[Sem1]

Hi @Cauli 

Im new here and have just read your reply- it sounds just like what Im going through with my husband now.  He has now included me in his delusions and thinks I'm lying to him.   And same also, just wants to live with this low key and not see anyone as he now believes these things 24/7.

How have you coped since, have you managed to get him to seek help?

[Cauli]

@Sem1Hi 👋

So sorry for such a late response. This is the first chance I've had to reply. We've been doing better since I made that post. He agreed to getting some extra help and we went twice to see a psychiatrist, but as usual, he decided there's nothing they can help him with that he can't do himself. He is actually good at counseling himself nowadays.

So since that last bout of paranoia and what not, he's been mostly okay and managing, therefore, I've been feeling a lot better and more at ease 

I hope things are going good for you both as well and sorry I can't truly help with your situation. 

All the best