A lot of the secularists say the universe is random. 

The scientist in me sometimes thinks of human relationships like particles ... and I know I am not the only one

There is Brownian motion and when things heat up a lot of bumping goes on ... it is not totally rational

eg   Zohar  "Quantum Self"

It is a little why I dont like casual discussions of karma .. I love Buddhism and it is a highly intellectual literate discipline .. one liners are not true to the spirit on budhism as a whole .. its just that mantras can be good to help mental focus and clarity ...

Personal Reponsibility for one's life

is totally different for being blamed for things that happen to you ..

tell that to the people in Nagasaki ..

but it is a superstition that underlies a lot of 1st world white educated nice society ... I am beginning to think that sometimes they just want to take more credit for their good luck than they actually deserve ..

I even asked my mother if she thought it was my fault that we were abandoned ... she said none of us had many temper tantrums or were difficult ... except one time I was upset about going to the eye and ear hospital ..that might be faulty memory but it does add up to my general personality ..

These days experts are telling us that tantrums are normal ... and guess what .. the prevalence of them is growing in big and little people  .. ????

Adoption is huge .. you did well looking after your mother and not letting your abuser get your goat ...

I had a little taste of it with the fosters ... but was not totally enclosed ... PREFERRED to return to an ORPHANAGE .. could trust the kids better than the grown ups .. you are right ... a lot of bad things happen behind closed doors ...

Take care

Apple