Hi @Former-Member

I am sorry to read your story.  I feel for you so much.  Reading your story brought tears to my eyes because I feel for you and know how difficult this must be for you, even to be on here and write

In 2010  (at 45 yrs) I remembered I was sexually abused as a child by three different guys at different times  From age 9-12 yrs old .  I suppressed these traumas until 6 yrs ago and BANG - it all came out.  I am seeing a psychiatrist and also a therapist. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, ptsd, BPD.  To go through telling these people about my childhood abuse in detail was overpowering, unimaginable, pain, hurt, torture.  To relieve exactly what happened - i was a complete emotional wreck.  Each session would leave me physically and mentally drained for over a day.  I too had the same feelings has you - guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, my fault on all points.

I have tried EMDR about 4 yrs ago being refered to a special psychologist who deals with that.  We only worked on one issue and it sort of has worked.  i can visualise the trauma and not get overwhelmed like i used to.

To make things even more worse, i told my parents (more my mum) and it all came down crashing on me big time.  They decided to abandon me and haven't spoken to me since then.  This is the most hurtful thing that has ever happened to me in my life.  It feels like a big kick in the guts.  No siblings talk except for one who doesn't call me, it's always me that has to ring her.

I think with time you will be able to talk about your rape.  Exposure therapy sounds interesting.  I can understand how difficult the process would be.

I am seeing a new psychologist in November, a female who deals with childhood trauma and BPD.  I am hoping that i can build a relationshiip with her and feel comfortable in opening up and talking.  My problem is now that i have to tell her everything from the beginning and that is so draining. She also does EMDR.

I hope things work out well for you.  Happy to talk anytime.  take care xxoo