Hi @Former-Member

You're really tired - it was been sometime since your Dad's brekkie and I hope you have been able to go back to bed and sleep - there are days when we have to do that and you have been through so much lately

You are not being self-centred - you are feeling down in the dumps and why not - your relationship with your mother was complex and not all that good and she has recently died - aw - I sometimes feel down-in-the-dumpsies myself about her - but maybe my Dad too - it's their wedding anniversary today - one of my anniversaries too - and I have worked out how long it was since their wedding day and - yeah - that is a big deal thinking about our mothers - it does really hurt when we think about this - and nothing can change it is all over when they go.

I think you are important to your Dad though - and maybe it is something he is past really understanding - and it must really hurt when he calls you by your Mum's name - the work you are doing is so important, so valuable - and your warring sibs won't do that - 

It's a huge job though - have your thought if you are really up to it or can you get some assistance from My Aged Care for him - he is the person who needs it - and with the help would you feel more cared about - if there were people picking up the heavy parts of running a home as I do - would that help you feel more noticed and more valued?

As much as I want to - we want to - somehow magically come into your life and help out - be there - it can't happen but you mean a lot to me - I really care - I see you as a really beautiful person surrounded but other people's trashy pasts - and I am so sorry this is happening to you

And I get it that your hating sibs are giving you a hard time and this reinforces memories of a past when you must have taken that slack between your mother and reality for the little kids - and this is really horrid -

God will give us the strength to keep going - I know this - he loves both of us just as he knows every sparrow that falls - I love you too 

Sending my best thoughts and love

You are much loved Lapses

Dec