Hi @CherryBomb,
Turtles who play with fire, should expect to get burned - silly turtle!
So..."the thing" that made my big feelings get big today was the stuff that I posted on the thread "hospital experiences." And so what did I just do? I went back to see what had been added to the thread since I posted. Derrrrrrrr!!!! No prizes for guessing how I feel now!
@CherryBomb, how can the public mental health system still be so awful in 2017??? Why hasn't it changed more in the twenty years since my first admission? How is there ever supposed to be a reduction in stigma when psychiatric patients ARE treated differently to patients in any other ward? People SHOULD be afraid of getting locked up in a psych ward...especially if they have BPD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to talk out what's in my head, but I think it is making the feelings bigger rather than less.
I don't experience flashbacks regarding the actual abuse stuff that was the genesis of my muddle - I experience flashbacks and intense trauma reactions regarding my experiences IN THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!! How is that ok??? If I could have found a you or a @Former-Member or a @NikNik way back then, I would be in such a different space by now. If I could have had someone sit with me in my big feelings rather than shame me for them, lock me in an isolation room for them, or forcibly medicate me for them, I would be in SUCH a different space.
And...now I'm crying...a lot...so it is just as well you have that snorkel on because if you keep sitting beside me, we may both be under water very soon.