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  • Author : Captain24
  • Support : 2
  • Topic : Something’s not right
20 May 2025 10:23 AM
Senior Contributor

It was hard to read @Jynx but in saying that today has been really hard. Listening to my psych has me scared. Her making an appointment on her day off is hard to hear too. So please just bear with me. 

 

You're right that at the moment I feel that I am too much of a burden. You hit the nail on the head. 

I have a hard time believing that I should be on here in such a ‘hot mess’. Hearing you so that this is the place to be is relieving but also it’s hard to change the thinking of ‘I’m too much’ It’s hard to change the narrative that I’m taking time from others. There is plenty of others worse off than me. 

I get that this is the place to be as there is nowhere else that I can say what I say on here. (Except my psych but she isn’t as readily available as the forums.) No where else can I say how hard it is. How hard it gets. I have nowhere else to turn. 

It does make more sense. I’m torn between you saying it’s ok to be my hot mess on here and my head saying I should be doing it alone. Doing it on the quiet. 

I would look after anyone that needs help. On Wednesday when I was at the morning meeting. This old guy that keeps coming to me needed to talk. So I listened. If only he had of read my demeanour and my face maybe he could have asked me how I was. But no it was just me being there for him. 

I would like to be looked after please. I really need someone. I can’t do it alone as much as I expect myself to do. It’s hard for me to admit that. Admit that I can’t do it alone. To admit that I need help. I need help keeping me safe and telling me things will be ok. Even though I don’t believe it. 

 

 

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