โ07-12-2021 10:36 PM
โ07-12-2021 10:36 PM
Hi all,
I'm new to all this I have never talked to anyone about my husband's mental illness. My husband of 4 years of Marriage and 11 years in a relationship suffers from OCD and Anxiety.
The anxiety is mainly when having to travel a distance from the house or not wanting to go anywhere by himself so we go everywhere together. The going everywhere together has been getting to me lately, I need my space but how do you tell that to someone that has major anxiety if you even attempt to leave.
The OCD I don't think helps the anxiety because as he puts it, it's like having a evil voice telling you want to do and if you ignore that voice it gets worse and louder.
I just don't know how to help, I'm feeling burnt out and stuck.
#anxiety #OCD
โ08-12-2021 10:28 AM
โ08-12-2021 10:28 AM
Hi @HopefulWife and welcome to the SANE Forums ๐
It takes so much courage to reach out for the first time, and I really value and appreciate the step you have taken to share your experience with us.
That burnt out feeling sounds like it is growing for you, and I am so sorry to hear how difficult it has been for both you and your husband. Living with anxiety can feel really debilitating- as a fellow anxiety survivor myself, I could picture from your post what it must be like for you and your husband at the moment. Is your husband seeking support for the anxiety and OCD at the moment?
You mentioned needing your own space and finding it hard going everywhere together. That's completely understandable Everyone needs their space to be able to focus on their wellbeing. How have you been looking after your wellbeing recently?
Holding hope with you and here to lend an ear
โ08-12-2021 10:47 AM - edited โ08-12-2021 10:52 AM
โ08-12-2021 10:47 AM - edited โ08-12-2021 10:52 AM
Thanks for replying. No he is currently not speaking to anyone, he has done therapy years ago before meeting me as the OCD is something he's had since teenage years but the anxiety has only been with this current relapse.
Currently in terms on my own well being the only time I have to myself is when I go to work in the early hours of the morning while he is sleeping, other than that we are together all the time, even socially with his friends.
I feel I need time with what little friends I have left as most of my friends from school have either moved interstate or are just to busy raising children. Which is something I hope for in the future but I have to be patient on that due to current situation.
โ10-12-2021 03:31 PM - edited โ10-12-2021 04:08 PM
โ10-12-2021 03:31 PM - edited โ10-12-2021 04:08 PM
Hi there @HopefulWife,
Caring for someone who is experiencing a significant impairment (which it sounds like it might be) as a result of their mental health condition can be draining. When I was at my worst with OCD I was terrified and would look to others for support with rationalising intrusive thoughts. This can become a double edged sword though because it can slip into reassurance seeking, which is exhausting for loved ones and counterproductive for the sufferer. I'm wondering if that sounds similar to what you're experiencing with your husband?
You mention that he isn't accessing professional support at the moment โ do you feel like he might be open to exploring that again? I suspect he may need more support than a loved one is able to provide, which is completely understandable.
โ10-12-2021 04:04 PM
โ10-12-2021 04:04 PM
Hi @Former-Member
I have spoken to him about getting professional help but he's not willing to at the moment as he believes that he knows how to recover and fix his OCD as he has been told it all before and he has recovered in the past on his own. I feel that he could benefit from the refresher as there is also now panic anxiety involved which he's says was never there in previous relapses but he's stubborn when he wants to be.
The answer about the reassurance, most of the time he's good at not asking for reassurance as he knows it's harmful to recovery but every now and then when he's in a really stressful situation, he will look to me for that reassurance. I know I shouldn't do it but at the time it's hard to not when he's just stressed out.
I want to help but I am the type of person that bounces off other peoples emotions and just react to them. Which I know is not helpful when he's stressed as I get stressed and just react in a way that's not helping anyone. Any suggestions on how to handle my emotions better would be great.
โ10-12-2021 04:32 PM
โ10-12-2021 04:32 PM
Hi @HopefulWife,
Here are a couple of ideas to ponder:
I hope that some of the above helps, and please know you can always reach out here in the forums for support in supporting your husband.
I'm going to tag a few community members and guides as another group of friendly faces who may be able to empathise with parts of your story @Shaz51 @outlander @Eve7 @greenpea @Anastasia @ShiningStar @Krishna
โ10-12-2021 04:44 PM
โ10-12-2021 04:44 PM
Thanks for the helpful suggestions. I will definitely consider them as I know if I burn out then I can't help anyone
โ10-12-2021 05:30 PM
โ10-12-2021 05:30 PM
@Former-Member ๐
@HopefulWife thinking of you sweetheart ๐
โ10-12-2021 06:20 PM - edited โ10-12-2021 06:21 PM
โ10-12-2021 06:20 PM - edited โ10-12-2021 06:21 PM
Those are awesome tips @Former-Member
Hello @HopefulWife How are you going tonight xx
My husband has bipolar and other diagnosis including OCD
I have been soo close to my own breakdown, when I would go to the bathroom and cry to release everything
Some good threads to look at is Carers Hints and tips to Success
Coping Toolbox ( what is in yours to help you cope )
โ10-12-2021 06:31 PM
โ10-12-2021 06:31 PM
Hi @Shaz51
Today has been a good day for us.
I know that feeling of hiding away to cry. I have had those days when it has just been a hard day and I just tell him that I'm tired and going to have a nap but in reality I am going to hide and cry. I know it's probably wrong to lie but I don't want him to see how much it hurts sometimes. I feel like it will only make him feel worse.
Thanks for the links to other information
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