Down in the Dumps

[utopia]

@MoonGal & other artists. How talented you all are.

[Former-Member]

Hi @MoonGal

Sorry to read that you are feeling so down. When your partner goes away and you feel anxious and alone - pop on here and talk - everyday if need be. And I will come on here everyday and be there for you to chat and support you. Worry not - we will get through this together somehow my friend and before you know it your partner will be back and all will be well!. Sending warm hugs - you are not alone xx

[Faith-and-Hope]

Love the sheep sketch @MoonGal 😊

One early art class I took, they gave us only one or two minutes to capture the basics of a model's stance before they changed the pose ....

It was an exercise to develop speed between what you see, and the capturing of a likeness, and it was about being able to see character in the sketch - weight bearing, activity, focus of attention - rather than any sort of accurate presentation piece ....

You nailed it with those sheep ❣. Can see, in only a few lines, what they are and what they're doing ....

That's the real power of sketching ....

❤️

[MoonGal]

Hi @Rexy - That is really intersesting to say ... "I feel you need to be told you are special" really made me think, do I "need" to be told that? I have such a low opinion of myself, struggled with self-esteem all my life. I am a giant baby really. Super, hypersesnitive to critisicm. Like a giant tooth nerve in the world, react to hot and cold, specially cold! If someone says something about my 'work' that is even mildly critical even something like "Oooooh, I LOVE it! But I wonder if that blue colour should be green..." I react like I have been told I am worthless, useless heap of humanity. its my achilles heel. 

I puff up with happiness (not pride so much) with your words... "you are inspiring" though! 

My variant of BiPolar II is rapid cycling, I can cycle through wanting to die to being a happy possum in hours, its exhausting. I used to be IN it alot more than I am now I have a little bit of detachment from it, But the thing that is the hallmark of it all is just how much I believe myself - my deep self-dislike, I project my self-esteem into what i DO - so if I share my work and someone says WOW! I am just over the moon (Moon Gal..) and if someone says "I can see where that could be improved I am gutted. Sheesh, I hate it being in my mid 50's and stuck in being 4, 8 or 13 years old!

I love spending time with my doggie daughter, she is jus such a gorgeous wobbly being, she has very bad separation anxiety - (I now what that feels like). She is not really trainable, she came too damaged to my home and heart (as many rescues are) but she is a light and lovely. 

The other thing people have said - about the weather is true - when I went to see the diagnostic Psychiatrist she wrote int he report aht I seemed not to have Seasonal Affective Disorder - but being cooped up inside due to the weather is doing me in. I love sitting out in my garden to read, or write or even just be on my notebook (computer), I love birds and their song, and to watch shadow patternations play across the pavers. 

Some people call Bi Poalr a roller coaster, mine is more like a martini shaker it is so quick!

Thanks you for your care and love everyone, it has helped me alot this past couple of days, as it always does. 

[Appleblossom]

@MoonGalIts a great idea to have some wedding photos framed.  Nice surprise for partner on return too.

I have photo walls and paintings up.  Its nice to live with people's photo's around you .. then the images can catch your eye unawares ...

without the deliberate .. I am looking at my digital images now decision.

I felt bad not "earning" as much as my ex ... but I was busy ... and then eventually I figured .. some degrees are good at returning money ... but not all valuable things are measured that way ..

Some personal growth ideologies push the personal responsibility a bit far ... sometimes things happen ... we live with the consequences but that may not actually be our fault ... there are links through association and causality ... they are different.

I am glad you have a good relationship ... you do deserve it ... dont be too hard on your self

Give doggit a hug for me

[MoonGal]

@Appleblossom - just the right words for now, thank you. I am ex AA so the personal responsibility thing looms large in me a good reminder. Yes things just happen and life can go to the pack for anyone really, I guess it is how you cope/handle it that is the marker of whether one is successful or not, not necessarily that you 'earn' a certain amount (or any at all) and not whether we have 'made it' in our chosen field - that puts the locus of control OUT THERE where we really only have ANY control (if that!) over what happens IN HERE. Thanks as always for your support and care.

[MoonGal]

@Faith-and-Hope - you are a generous soul! That sheep sketch, LOL! 

I would go into an anxiety meltdown doing fast sketching I think, unless it was a really good day, but that is soemthing I could potentially do on my own and then why be anxious! No one here to see it but lil' old me. 🙂

[Faith-and-Hope]

Attagirl @MoonGal 😊

[Appleblossom]

A lot of the secularists say the universe is random. 

The scientist in me sometimes thinks of human relationships like particles ... and I know I am not the only one

There is Brownian motion and when things heat up a lot of bumping goes on ... it is not totally rational

eg   Zohar  "Quantum Self"

It is a little why I dont like casual discussions of karma .. I love Buddhism and it is a highly intellectual literate discipline .. one liners are not true to the spirit on budhism as a whole .. its just that mantras can be good to help mental focus and clarity ...

Personal Reponsibility for one's life

is totally different for being blamed for things that happen to you ..

tell that to the people in Nagasaki ..

but it is a superstition that underlies a lot of 1st world white educated nice society ... I am beginning to think that sometimes they just want to take more credit for their good luck than they actually deserve ..

I even asked my mother if she thought it was my fault that we were abandoned ... she said none of us had many temper tantrums or were difficult ... except one time I was upset about going to the eye and ear hospital ..that might be faulty memory but it does add up to my general personality ..

These days experts are telling us that tantrums are normal ... and guess what .. the prevalence of them is growing in big and little people  .. ????

Adoption is huge .. you did well looking after your mother and not letting your abuser get your goat ...

I had a little taste of it with the fosters ... but was not totally enclosed ... PREFERRED to return to an ORPHANAGE .. could trust the kids better than the grown ups .. you are right ... a lot of bad things happen behind closed doors ...

Take care

Apple

[Former-Member]

Hi @MoonGal

Hope all is going well for you. Has your partner gone away yet? Hope you are okay. Hugs