not feeling good

[Zoe7]

@BlueBay I know this is hurting you and has done since the day it happened. Just like @Phoenix_Rising I know what happened and how it unfolded. Knowing both sides of this situation it could be easy to 'blame' someone but the reality is it happened because the other person needed to look after themselves first. It was not YOU that was being abandoned - it was the triggers that this person needed to avoid. That is the down-side of sharing our experiences and our 'stories' on here, we do form relationships with people - some closer than others - but we are all still trying to navigate our way around our own MH issues. When we find it too much or too triggering, it is never the person but the circumstances/experiences shared that have the impact.Although this is not likely to help you with how you are feeling right now - I hope you are able to take a step back and see that there are so many other people here that stand with you (and with the other person) and that as a 'community' you will always have support and you will always be cared for.

...and I will continue to sit on your shoulder 

[BlueBay]

Hi @Zoe7@Phoenix_Rising@Shaz51@Former-Member@Faith-and-Hope

Today is another day ........ I am not leaving.

I was angry and sad, really sad. Grieving for the loss of a 'friend' on here.  We had become friends on here and it had hurt me so much to now not being able to talk to each other.

But I can't keep thinking about the past, what happened (even if i don't really know what happened).

I have a baby on the way (which could be earlier now).  The baby is breach so my daughgter has to see her GP tomorrow and could have to see a gyno at the hospital for a c-section delivery, which means she will have a set date. And normally they don't let you go to full term.  She has 4 weeks to go but it could be only 2 weeks.  

I get so confused at times, I do feel the pain at times of what others are going through. And I do really care about others on here.  

But I do come first, my main priority is me at the moment.  I am still on the waiting list for hospital admission and i cannot wait to get in.  Hopefully when my psych comes back from leave this week i can go in.  I hope it doesn't selfish but at times i don't reply much because i don't know what to write and i just need space for myself. But it doesn't mean that i am not thinking of you guys because i do.

BPD is a really hard disorder to come by.  it is a really tough one, a hard one to deal with and work through.  Those of you who have it will understand what I mean.  So many different variations that come into it and I try to get well but then a block comes in front of me and bang I am back at square one.

I hope that I don't offend or hurt anyone when I reply to your posts and if i ever do pls let me know. I would hate to think that i have offended you guys.  It would destroy me.

Anyway i better go off to work. i just wanted to say that i do care about you all, and that i will be around. You know i struggle to stay away from here, i guess it means i need you all for support. And you all have a special place in my heart.

BB xxxooo

[Faith-and-Hope]

I hope today brings smooth sailing for you @BlueBay ...;, 🤗💕

[Shaz51]

hope today brings smooth sailing for you tooo  @BlueBay my awesome friend xoxo

[BlueBay]

Hi @Shaz51@Faith-and-Hope@Zoe7@Phoenix_Rising

I think I am crashing down again, feeling very very down and sad.

I don't feel well physically, sick in the stomach with this lump in my stomach.  Even though I had an ultrasound last week and the technician said no hernia, i can still feel the lump which is sore.  I just don't feel right, i feel tired, very tired, teary, light headed, just not well.  I am seeing my GP tomorrow morning so i will tell him how i am feeling.

My stomach is playing up shocking, living at the toilet quite a lot lately.  Not sure if I have IBS.

I don't know anymore, i feel so drained, exhausted from not feeling well.

[Shaz51]

sending you hugs @BlueBay 

I have a hiatus Hernia and the last 2 days i have had a GERD attack , still recovering xx

[BlueBay]

Hope you get well soon @Shaz51.  I'm guessing hiatius hernia is different to umbilical hernia (different spots).  You know when you don't feel well and you know something is not right - well that's how i am feeling at the moment.

Having a GERD attack would be horrible. Take care xxxooo

[Shaz51]

umbilical hernia , you can feel the lump @BlueBay

hiatius hernia is at the top of the stomach

[outlander]

hugs @BlueBay i hope you can get some rest. its exhausting battling anxiety/depression and personality disorders. its exhausting being exhausted!

i get it. i hate having those feelings that your describing.

somethings wrong but you dont know what. they are often the hardest to shake

[Zoe7]

I hear you @BlueBay  I don't have much to offer you tonight BB - but I know how both the emotional and physical pain can feed off each other and send us further down into the darkness. I am doing my best to hold on tonight but and exhausted and don't know how much more I can do. I am glad you are seeing your GP in the morning - hopefully you can get some answers to help with the physical discomfort and some relief from that. I have IBS and it can be totally debilitating - and has been this week! Stress and anxiety make it even worse and the pain can be so intense that you do not know how you are going to get through it - so I really hope you do not have IBS and it is something that csn be sorted more easily. Take it easy tonight, curl up on the couch or in bed and try to drift off to sleep...

and I'll sit on your shoulder to keep you company