Just checking in.

[Former-Member]

Yeah it was an overshare @Appleblossom but I figured I'd edit it tomorrow. Not for me but my boys sake. 

Ive been threatening to write a response to my drama last night to you and all. I'm not sure I can do the heavy emotion for that just yet. It's all still raw but I've been distracted all day which helped. But thank you for all your responses even after I went off. They all helped cry me to sleep without SH. And I cried which I haven't been able to do for two months. 

[Former-Member]

All good @Former-Member 😊 hi 👋 back at ya. There's been some heavy stuff so I get that it's hard to come in on. 

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member - just read your reply re abandonment issues. Sorry that I am behind the apeball a bit. I am being pulled in different directions here at home between reading posts.

It did help Thankyou. It tells me that we all handle things differently. I would of given anything for someone to take an interest in me when I was a child at home. No one ever said "I love you" "how are you" "how was your day". I was largely ignored. So I learnt quickly to be very independent. I never relied on a partner. If they showed any signs of neglect towards me I would lose interest in them overnight. I had this huge wall - and no one could touch my heart except my first born. I never felt love like it. When that bond was destroyed it nearly ended me. So my fear of abandment is losing my children - different relationship but I think the same grief. But I must admit that I have strengthened in that area too as my daughter has/is hurting me too much. I will always love her but could live without her as long as we have regular contact.

Even though I liked having a partner, everyone does, I couldn't, didn't,  trust anyone enough to get attached. Until I meant my present husband. He persisted until he got through to me - it took years but now he is part of me. If anything happened to him I would dissolve into grief. 

You have a beautiful heart @Former-Member and although I don't know your whole story I would say you have given it to the wrong people and had it badly hurt.  Like my daughter has. I have seen her despair. And that can drive a dagger straight through the heart. I can understand the fear of not wanting to go through that pain of betrayal or loss again.  And with my daughter she cannot be alone - anything is better than that to her

. I am different - being abused or neglected is worse to me as those childhood scars although healed are never forgotten. I like peace. I would rather be alone than that but like anyone would dread that scenario;  lonliness is a terrible thing and something we all hope to avoid. And the fear of that can take over.....I sometimes fear that as my husband has been battling cancer for 18 yrs now. But I decided to trust that somehow I would be looked after that way. And put my needs/fears there in the laps of the Gods whilst I do my best to nurture those special relations. What will be will be........And the fear of abandonment can lift.

You are a beautiful person @Former-Member, you will never be alone. The right person, the right people - those who are genuine and are meant to be for you will "never abandon you". Have faith in you and the gift that you are to others. Hugs 💕

[Appleblossom]

@Former-Member

Well it makes a lot of sense and puts your situation into a perspective .. it is real ..its important ..    I can get behind you .. privacy is important too.. but without key bits of knowledge .. lives can be lost .. thats my bottom line .. its a duty of care .. yeah .. my post was an over share .. sorry .. just trying to help .. cos denial cost my sibs dearly .. I'll edit it to give your eyes a break .. 

glad distraction helped .. and you slept 

Hi @Former-Member

[Zoe7]

@Former-Member @Former-Member @Appleblossom  @utopia @TAB @Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope @Former-Member @Former-Member @Former-Member @BlueBay @Shaz51 

Welcome @PixieMay

Not up to joining in tonight but wanted to say hi and hope everyone is ok! 

[Former-Member]

No yours wasn't for the same reasons @Appleblossom that you listed. It all helps to build a picture that helps us to help each other. I think you recently edited post for your son anonymity too. I'm thinking I need to but I think it helps to know our loved ones situations too to bring perspective even if it's only briefly available 💜🤗

[Former-Member]

PS @Appleblossom awesome job on the technology 👍😁💜

ill be solo too NYE. Kids all out. We'll have to catch up then on the forum with whoever else is around. 💜🤗

[TAB]

..er .I didn't mention tooth ? @Former-Member but yes always ongoing and yes was kuzza's lol @Kurra 

[TAB]

Noice @PeppiPatty ..pretty colours  ..hmm only diagnoses were depression repeatedly then anxiety etc etc then stopped seeing people years ago, tried to muddle thru myself.. I think he re father who I ranted on endlessly about when first came on here is pretty much out of control re me and getting enabled by people  and am not able to cope with his *hit atm.. brother smoothed things over today, felt a bit silly having someone virtually speak for me in front of me,but all I could do was look at him re father as latest, milder pile of demand words fell from his mouth.. anyhoo, saw nieces and nephews had good long chat with brother, will go back there tomorrow

[TAB]

..Hi @Former-Member ..yeah put a few bits on here or coffee chat thread tonight  went really well thankyou for asking